It can be super difficult to leave everything that has become so comfortable to you. About a month and a half ago I left the comfort of Fort Collins and moved to Provo. I only knew that I had a job lined up and I didn't even know if it was going to work out. I moved without a place to live and with only a handful of friends that I could even spend time with. I would be lying if I said this didn't make me nervous (though when I was leaving I didn't let this show)
Within a day of being in Provo I had found a place to live, moved in, started a new job, bought a ton of items to furnish my room, and started living my new life. I didn't allow myself to look back at what else could possibly have happened if I had waited or made other different decisions. I couldn't be happier with my decision.
It took me a little while to gather my bearings and to develop the confidence to meet new people in my new ward. I had grown so accustomed to being the one introducing myself to new people so they would have friends, that it was pretty natural to be responsible for all the introductions. I have made several new friends and have already developed a presence in the area.
All the dating ideas that I have developed over the years actually work, I just needed a fresh venue to make it work, where my reputation would not go before me and make it difficult to make anything happen. I now have a girl that I think is madly in love with me. But not having brought it up with her, its difficult to say for sure.
Bottom line is that without taking this chance, I would have stunted my growth and would have been stuck in the same ruts that I was in, living in the comfort of my mothers home.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Hopeless Romanticism is tough to deal with
Life has taught me several things. One lesson that I have learned and continue to relearn is that being a hopeless romantic can be super hard to live with when you can't find someone who shares that characteristic with you. Over the past year I have tried to date many girls and have been burned more times then I like to count. It always happens, whether the girl is somewhat into me and I scare her off, or I hold back a little and they don't read things right, or my timing is off. Whatever the case, I haven't been able to find a girl who is willing to let herself get excited about datinsomeone and not having to hold back or play ridiculous games. It is enough frustration that I am almost willing to give up on the entire dating scene. If the right girl comes along, she will let me know right? I'm so tired of having my heart ripped out on such a frequent basis.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
My Romantic Comedy
There are few things in life that are constant. The new year starts at January 1st, pickles come from cucumbers, mom my loves me, babies poop in their diapers, and someone inevitably falls in love and gets married at the end of romantic comedies. Thinking about the consistency of these things has put a different spin on how I approach life now. Actually, only the last constant I mentioned will affect anything.
Knowing that the main character of every romantic comedy gets married to someone that he/she somehow falls in love with in an unexpected way at the end of the movie has sparked an interesting thought for me. I am going to label a specific portion of my life as my romantic comedy portion of life. It will start now and will end exactly two years from now. I feel that this will not entirely change my life as I am humorous and funny situations happen around me all the time. But the one change that will happen will be that some relationship will unexpectedly actually last and by some odd twist of events I will be married by the end of my movie.
Now as the other main character remains unknown to me, (the one I will fall in love with), I will need to be certain that I understand that anything can happen at this point forward. This is very typical of every romantic comedy, where everyone watching the movie can see that these two are destined to be together. Unfortunately I am unable to communicate directly with the director of the movie (God) or the audience (my future family waiting in heaven) and will have to figure this out for myself.
I will be sure to record pertinent information in my movie log, to be reviewed after completion of the period so as to reveal all plot twists and funny moments. Here's to a good movie.
Knowing that the main character of every romantic comedy gets married to someone that he/she somehow falls in love with in an unexpected way at the end of the movie has sparked an interesting thought for me. I am going to label a specific portion of my life as my romantic comedy portion of life. It will start now and will end exactly two years from now. I feel that this will not entirely change my life as I am humorous and funny situations happen around me all the time. But the one change that will happen will be that some relationship will unexpectedly actually last and by some odd twist of events I will be married by the end of my movie.
Now as the other main character remains unknown to me, (the one I will fall in love with), I will need to be certain that I understand that anything can happen at this point forward. This is very typical of every romantic comedy, where everyone watching the movie can see that these two are destined to be together. Unfortunately I am unable to communicate directly with the director of the movie (God) or the audience (my future family waiting in heaven) and will have to figure this out for myself.
I will be sure to record pertinent information in my movie log, to be reviewed after completion of the period so as to reveal all plot twists and funny moments. Here's to a good movie.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
The Secondary Friend
The secondary friend is a concept that I have been thinking about a lot lately. What is a secondary friend. This is the friend that you want to hang out with, when no one else is occupying your time. This is a friend that you like to talk to, when no one else is around. This is a friend that you will say hi to when you walk into a room, if you don't have other friends in the room. I think you get my point. This is a friend that, no matter how great, will always just be a backup to other options.
I think that we all find ourselves in this position among some friends. It is perfectly natural. You are not going to be everyones best friend. Even if you want to you can't, we all have limits, even if its only time constraints. In order to be a good friend you need to spend time with, listen to, talk with those whom you care about. Its not something that just happens without some personal sacrifices.
There are some benefits to being a secondary friend. You generally don't have to deal with all the drama. You don't have make most of the personal sacrifices of time and talents. You only have to be there when its convenient. Its pretty much a non committal friendship. Its a relationship where you can just be a one dimensional person, fulfilling just one role. eg., the funny guy, the smart guy, the caring guy, the spiritual guy, or whatever it may be.
However, with the positives come some negatives. As a secondary friend you don't have the benefit of relying on that friendship. It is very hard to get out that one dimensional role. And even when you do, it doesn't seem to offer that much of a reward. You are still only wanted if no one else can fulfill that role.
As was mentioned earlier, it is normal to be a secondary friend to the majority of our friends. But what if the situation arises where you are simply considered everyone's secondary friend, where you are not considered a good friend to anyone? This is a difficult situation which arises.
It is not fun, nor is it emotionally healthy to not have anyone to rely on. Every day life is often stressful and builds up in every individual. Like any high pressure system, there needs to be pressure release in order to keep the container from exploding. That valve is found in what we commonly term as the "venting session." That is what a good friend allows you to do. But a friend who is singularly found as a secondary friend does not have this privilege and will explode, or attempt to keep it under control without assistance. This is not an ideal situation by any means.
Simply put, no one can be a healthy individual just being a secondary friend.
I think that we all find ourselves in this position among some friends. It is perfectly natural. You are not going to be everyones best friend. Even if you want to you can't, we all have limits, even if its only time constraints. In order to be a good friend you need to spend time with, listen to, talk with those whom you care about. Its not something that just happens without some personal sacrifices.
There are some benefits to being a secondary friend. You generally don't have to deal with all the drama. You don't have make most of the personal sacrifices of time and talents. You only have to be there when its convenient. Its pretty much a non committal friendship. Its a relationship where you can just be a one dimensional person, fulfilling just one role. eg., the funny guy, the smart guy, the caring guy, the spiritual guy, or whatever it may be.
However, with the positives come some negatives. As a secondary friend you don't have the benefit of relying on that friendship. It is very hard to get out that one dimensional role. And even when you do, it doesn't seem to offer that much of a reward. You are still only wanted if no one else can fulfill that role.
As was mentioned earlier, it is normal to be a secondary friend to the majority of our friends. But what if the situation arises where you are simply considered everyone's secondary friend, where you are not considered a good friend to anyone? This is a difficult situation which arises.
It is not fun, nor is it emotionally healthy to not have anyone to rely on. Every day life is often stressful and builds up in every individual. Like any high pressure system, there needs to be pressure release in order to keep the container from exploding. That valve is found in what we commonly term as the "venting session." That is what a good friend allows you to do. But a friend who is singularly found as a secondary friend does not have this privilege and will explode, or attempt to keep it under control without assistance. This is not an ideal situation by any means.
Simply put, no one can be a healthy individual just being a secondary friend.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Lately it has become fairly obvious to me that I am not as happy as I have been in the past. This has cause me to ponder quite a lot on why that is and how I can change that. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot going for me. I have a great girlfriend, I have good friends, I enjoy my job most of the time, and I know what I want to do with my life career wise. The problem, I do the same thing day in and day out. I have missed one week of Monday night basketball in over a year. I almost never miss a ward activity, no matter how small. I can pretty well lay out what I will be doing on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday every week. This used to be very nice, knowing that I would probably be able to have something going on every night.
I tried to take a vacation this week and that didn't work out at all. I have not left Fort Collins for more then a day or night since I went to my mission reunion last October. And that was only for 2 days.
I have begun to wonder if I let my life control me rather then controlling my life. I think that to a certain extent we have to let life control us a little bit. But we need to be able to have flexibility. I don't know how to do this. I need to be able to mix things up, but I am struggling. I can think that I need a new hobby to cause me to change and to stretch myself. I am open to a lot of different ideas.
I tried to take a vacation this week and that didn't work out at all. I have not left Fort Collins for more then a day or night since I went to my mission reunion last October. And that was only for 2 days.
I have begun to wonder if I let my life control me rather then controlling my life. I think that to a certain extent we have to let life control us a little bit. But we need to be able to have flexibility. I don't know how to do this. I need to be able to mix things up, but I am struggling. I can think that I need a new hobby to cause me to change and to stretch myself. I am open to a lot of different ideas.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Why I need girls
There is a pattern in my life that has always left me a little confused. It is the cycle of dating. I seem to have many opportunities to date different girls and things will go well for a month or so and then I will get crushed. Sometimes it will take weeks for me to get over the situations that arise. I often wonder why I subject myself to this time and time again knowing that this cycle has a good chance of repeating itself. The answer is very simple. I need girls in my life. Let me tell you why I have come to this conclusion.
1. I don't want a guy holding my hand
I can think of many things that make girls better then guys. One of the first things that come to mind are the small physical touches that i would never let a guy do. Examples of this include the holding of the hand, cuddling, scratching my back, and kissing. None of these things, with the exception of maybe scratching of my back, will happen with a girl that I am not interested in. I have needs in these areas and so fundamentally speaking I will continue to go back to girls time and time again.
2. The good moments usually outweigh the bad
I get screwed over by girls all the time. And IT SUCKS!!! For days or weeks on end I am upset at the world. There is a lot of pain and anguish that is only caused by my being attached to a girl and having to let go. However the good moments that come from being in a relationship are huge. When I am with a girl that I like I am happy like nothing else can make me happy. All of this good will outweigh the pain of a breakup or a fight almost every time. And if it doesn't then it was a stupid choice anyway.
3. I like girls too much
I have sworn off girls after pretty much every relationship that I've been in. This has never actually lasted more then 2 weeks. I always seem to find some girl that attracts my attention enough to make me take action no matter how bitter I am in the moment. In fact I think it is safe to say that it is the perpetual liking of a new girl that gets me over the bitterness towards the other girl.
Its a crazy life dealing with girls all the time. Sometimes it is very hard. If these thoughts don't make sense, thats ok. I often have trouble figuring out why I do it as well. And in the moment of writing this seemed to make sense. However, girls will always remain a mystery to me and I will continue to put myself in potentially hazardous situations emotionally.
1. I don't want a guy holding my hand
I can think of many things that make girls better then guys. One of the first things that come to mind are the small physical touches that i would never let a guy do. Examples of this include the holding of the hand, cuddling, scratching my back, and kissing. None of these things, with the exception of maybe scratching of my back, will happen with a girl that I am not interested in. I have needs in these areas and so fundamentally speaking I will continue to go back to girls time and time again.
2. The good moments usually outweigh the bad
I get screwed over by girls all the time. And IT SUCKS!!! For days or weeks on end I am upset at the world. There is a lot of pain and anguish that is only caused by my being attached to a girl and having to let go. However the good moments that come from being in a relationship are huge. When I am with a girl that I like I am happy like nothing else can make me happy. All of this good will outweigh the pain of a breakup or a fight almost every time. And if it doesn't then it was a stupid choice anyway.
3. I like girls too much
I have sworn off girls after pretty much every relationship that I've been in. This has never actually lasted more then 2 weeks. I always seem to find some girl that attracts my attention enough to make me take action no matter how bitter I am in the moment. In fact I think it is safe to say that it is the perpetual liking of a new girl that gets me over the bitterness towards the other girl.
Its a crazy life dealing with girls all the time. Sometimes it is very hard. If these thoughts don't make sense, thats ok. I often have trouble figuring out why I do it as well. And in the moment of writing this seemed to make sense. However, girls will always remain a mystery to me and I will continue to put myself in potentially hazardous situations emotionally.
Monday, July 20, 2009
My Release
"My Release"
I've been too stuck on you to see anything else,
I can't see reality, and i can't help myself,
i feel so strange, so deranged, its crippling,
I'm off my side, I will hide until I've been released,
I'm tired of all the games you played,
And here I am just a product of the mess that you made,
So give me time to open your mind and be free,
Some sign of life just give me my release,
I find I'd like to unwind from you, till I can just be me,
And I've found your likely to crowd me until I can barely breathe,
I feel so vain, so deranged, its criminal,
I'm off my side, I will hide until I've been released,
I'm tired of all the games you played,
And here I am just a product of the mess that you made,
So give me time to open your mind and be free,
Some sign of life just give me my release
This is a song that my band wrote about 5 years ago now. Recently I listened to it and felt like it took on a new meaning. The last week has been really rough for me for a few different reasons. And I feel that it has been a really good growing experience. If you don't know the details of what happened to make me feel this way, I'm sorry but all I can say is that girls really do ruin lives. This song describes the point that I had reached with a certain girl.
Past experience has taught me to be careful when opening myself up to someone new. However in this situation I cast the caution aside and just let things happen. I got attached fairly quickly, and compared to previous relationships it was lightyears ahead of where anything had been after a mere five weeks before. My friends can attest to how ridiculous I was during the whole "relationship" thing.
Having gotten so attached I have found it particularly hard to let go. In fact the last week has been as close to hell as I have been in a long time. (It wasn't just the girl thing though). What have I learned from this? Perhaps the most valuable thing is that good things can't be rushed. I realize that my most valuable friendships have taken quite some time to develop. I also have come to the conclusion that having a protective barrier up at the beginning of a relationship is not only acceptable, but I think it is necessary. Dating is getting to know other individuals and trying to see the compatibility. Getting super attached before knowing if there really is any potential can lead to some serious heartache.
As with every experience in life, we learn something about ourselves. We find out what works for us and what doesn't. Sometimes I just wish it weren't so hard to find out these important things.
I've been too stuck on you to see anything else,
I can't see reality, and i can't help myself,
i feel so strange, so deranged, its crippling,
I'm off my side, I will hide until I've been released,
I'm tired of all the games you played,
And here I am just a product of the mess that you made,
So give me time to open your mind and be free,
Some sign of life just give me my release,
I find I'd like to unwind from you, till I can just be me,
And I've found your likely to crowd me until I can barely breathe,
I feel so vain, so deranged, its criminal,
I'm off my side, I will hide until I've been released,
I'm tired of all the games you played,
And here I am just a product of the mess that you made,
So give me time to open your mind and be free,
Some sign of life just give me my release
This is a song that my band wrote about 5 years ago now. Recently I listened to it and felt like it took on a new meaning. The last week has been really rough for me for a few different reasons. And I feel that it has been a really good growing experience. If you don't know the details of what happened to make me feel this way, I'm sorry but all I can say is that girls really do ruin lives. This song describes the point that I had reached with a certain girl.
Past experience has taught me to be careful when opening myself up to someone new. However in this situation I cast the caution aside and just let things happen. I got attached fairly quickly, and compared to previous relationships it was lightyears ahead of where anything had been after a mere five weeks before. My friends can attest to how ridiculous I was during the whole "relationship" thing.
Having gotten so attached I have found it particularly hard to let go. In fact the last week has been as close to hell as I have been in a long time. (It wasn't just the girl thing though). What have I learned from this? Perhaps the most valuable thing is that good things can't be rushed. I realize that my most valuable friendships have taken quite some time to develop. I also have come to the conclusion that having a protective barrier up at the beginning of a relationship is not only acceptable, but I think it is necessary. Dating is getting to know other individuals and trying to see the compatibility. Getting super attached before knowing if there really is any potential can lead to some serious heartache.
As with every experience in life, we learn something about ourselves. We find out what works for us and what doesn't. Sometimes I just wish it weren't so hard to find out these important things.
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