The secondary friend is a concept that I have been thinking about a lot lately. What is a secondary friend. This is the friend that you want to hang out with, when no one else is occupying your time. This is a friend that you like to talk to, when no one else is around. This is a friend that you will say hi to when you walk into a room, if you don't have other friends in the room. I think you get my point. This is a friend that, no matter how great, will always just be a backup to other options.
I think that we all find ourselves in this position among some friends. It is perfectly natural. You are not going to be everyones best friend. Even if you want to you can't, we all have limits, even if its only time constraints. In order to be a good friend you need to spend time with, listen to, talk with those whom you care about. Its not something that just happens without some personal sacrifices.
There are some benefits to being a secondary friend. You generally don't have to deal with all the drama. You don't have make most of the personal sacrifices of time and talents. You only have to be there when its convenient. Its pretty much a non committal friendship. Its a relationship where you can just be a one dimensional person, fulfilling just one role. eg., the funny guy, the smart guy, the caring guy, the spiritual guy, or whatever it may be.
However, with the positives come some negatives. As a secondary friend you don't have the benefit of relying on that friendship. It is very hard to get out that one dimensional role. And even when you do, it doesn't seem to offer that much of a reward. You are still only wanted if no one else can fulfill that role.
As was mentioned earlier, it is normal to be a secondary friend to the majority of our friends. But what if the situation arises where you are simply considered everyone's secondary friend, where you are not considered a good friend to anyone? This is a difficult situation which arises.
It is not fun, nor is it emotionally healthy to not have anyone to rely on. Every day life is often stressful and builds up in every individual. Like any high pressure system, there needs to be pressure release in order to keep the container from exploding. That valve is found in what we commonly term as the "venting session." That is what a good friend allows you to do. But a friend who is singularly found as a secondary friend does not have this privilege and will explode, or attempt to keep it under control without assistance. This is not an ideal situation by any means.
Simply put, no one can be a healthy individual just being a secondary friend.
