I will start off by saying that this is not a topic that I have the answers for. I was asked to explore a question that I have asked several times myself, yet I have not been able to solidly answer it so far in my life. Yet I will try and write down the observations that I have made. The question is why we like people that don't like us back.
This is something that I'm sure all of us have experienced at some point in our dating lives. Guys have inevitably asked a girl out only to be rejected. Girls have waited for that guy to ask them out, only to find themselves continually waiting. That's a minor example of this phenomenon. And maybe doesn't really approach the heart of the matter because in these cases we only think there is potential that we will develop real interest in this person.
What about those times that we actually spend time and get to know the person that we are interested in? We get to see the qualities that we are looking for in them. At this point we may genuinely like this person. But then we are crushed because they don't share the same interest in us.
Human nature makes us attracted to many different individuals as we try and find a potential spouse. The attraction is felt on many different levels. When it reaches a certain level we throw on the term "like." The reasons for liking someone are vast and very much different for every situation we are in. The thing that connects each of these situations is that they have one or more qualities that we are seeking in a partner.
But not everyone is seeking the same qualities. And we certainly don't all possess the same qualities. Often we want someone who possesses the qualities that we don't have, but need in our life. It is hard to match these up. Thus making it so that we like someone who does not like us back.
One other thought is based on timing. When a relationship is going to be started it requires the right timing. People gain interest on different time tables. Only when the times happen to match up will a relationship actually happen.
Understanding this cycle doesn't make it any easier to be in this predicament. It also doesn't allow us to know how to prevent this from happening either. But maybe it allows us to gain some sense that its ok to be in this predicament.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Jumping Through Hoops
It has become apparent to me that in order for me to get anything that I want I am being forced to jump through a series of hoops. It has been a little frustrating at times and I have wondered very seriously, why can't something I want just come easy to me right now? The more that I have thought about it the more clear the answer has become.
Recent challenges have made me put a lot of effort into accomplishing anything. Things don't seem to come as easily as they used to. And I think that this is how life is supposed to be. We cannot become truly great in anything without having to overcome obstacles. Why is this? Because strength comes through resistance. This is a truth that we constantly hear from those who we consider successful.
But I think there is something more to it then just overcoming these obstacles. I recently found this quote from Theodore Roosevelt, “the boy who is going to make a great man must not make up his mind merely to overcome a thousand obstacles, but to win in spite of a thousand repulses and defeats.” I think this puts things into a slightly different perspective.
What does it take to "win in spite of a thousand repulses and defeats?" I guess that we have to figure out what the competitor is that we are winning over before we can really understand what this phrase means. We are trying to defeat our natural tendencies to take the easy route, where the rewards aren't as great. So we could say that our competitor is our own self.
This places a greater responsibility on ones self for success. Obviously there are other factors that can affect the outcomes of our efforts, but I don't think that is what it is all about. Sometimes the greatest successes come from doing hard things even though we know we are going to fail.
So much of "success" in life is dependent on our attitude and our desire to make things happen. This is exactly what Roosevelt was saying. That in order to become a great man or woman we must make the conscious decision to do whatever it takes to get what we want.
As I have so often been reminded. We can't achieve anything until we experience failure.
Recent challenges have made me put a lot of effort into accomplishing anything. Things don't seem to come as easily as they used to. And I think that this is how life is supposed to be. We cannot become truly great in anything without having to overcome obstacles. Why is this? Because strength comes through resistance. This is a truth that we constantly hear from those who we consider successful.
But I think there is something more to it then just overcoming these obstacles. I recently found this quote from Theodore Roosevelt, “the boy who is going to make a great man must not make up his mind merely to overcome a thousand obstacles, but to win in spite of a thousand repulses and defeats.” I think this puts things into a slightly different perspective.
What does it take to "win in spite of a thousand repulses and defeats?" I guess that we have to figure out what the competitor is that we are winning over before we can really understand what this phrase means. We are trying to defeat our natural tendencies to take the easy route, where the rewards aren't as great. So we could say that our competitor is our own self.
This places a greater responsibility on ones self for success. Obviously there are other factors that can affect the outcomes of our efforts, but I don't think that is what it is all about. Sometimes the greatest successes come from doing hard things even though we know we are going to fail.
So much of "success" in life is dependent on our attitude and our desire to make things happen. This is exactly what Roosevelt was saying. That in order to become a great man or woman we must make the conscious decision to do whatever it takes to get what we want.
As I have so often been reminded. We can't achieve anything until we experience failure.
Who we really are, does it change
People are very interesting creatures. It seems that so often that I am drawn to look at who I am and how things have progressed over the years. It is apparent that I am not the same as I was when I was eleven. What brought about these noticeable differences in my behavior? Am I really a different person then I was eleven years ago? Have these changes made me different person? The answer may come in looking at myself eleven years ago, and then looking at myself now, and then comparing the two.
Eleven years ago I moved to Fort Collins. I quickly became friends with my neighbor Matt. We did many things together including; entertaining people, spiritual church stuff, getting into trouble, and pretty much everything you would expect friends to do together, except go to school together. I didn't talk much with anyone but Matt and my family. Everyone else was essentially just an acquaintance on some level or another. I really struggled socially.
My focus was on reading. I could be found reading when I wasn't doing homework or doing things with my friends and family. I was reading books that would not be expected for kids of my age. I was forced into participating in music because my parents thought it would be good for me. I hadn't watched a sports game, aside from a couple nuggets games, up to this point. I failed to see what was so interesting in them.
Simply put, at age eleven I was a complete NERD!!!!
What is it that makes me who I am today? I spend a good portion of the day seeking people that I can interact with. I love people and prefer to spend most of my time with other people. I have a good base of friends and love meeting new people.
Sports are probably the biggest focus in my life aside from school, church, and girls. I devote a lot of time to playing and watching many different sports. I have a passion for music. It still has a strong influence in all that I do. It really connects everything else in my life. And i actually seek out opportunities to play musical instruments of all varieties.
On the surface it would seem that I am a new person, that my personality has been altered. What has caused this change? As I have grown I have been able to experience more differing situations. It would be easy to say that my essential character has changed. But I wish to present a different view point. Our essential character doesn't change, our circumstances allow us to understand ourselves better and our true self becomes more apparent.
I base some of this on conversations I've had with family members. They don't really notice any changes in who I really am. According to them I have the same personality traits and behavioral tendencies.
As I have pondered on how I have grown and developed I think that my mission changed a lot of my perspectives. I learned a lot through study and observation and even just being forced to adapt to different situations. A few of the most important bits of knowledge gained were insights into who I really am and what I really enjoy.
Doctrines of gospel which were greatly researched during my days as a missionary also point to this same idea. Knowing about existence before this life and knowing that we had the same personality then are very significant in this analysis. Our spirits are in a constant struggle to overcome our mortal bodies. So the more we learn about ourselves the more we discover what our spirits really are. Our spirit is what our essential character really is. And that is not something that is easily changed, if at all.
Eleven years ago I moved to Fort Collins. I quickly became friends with my neighbor Matt. We did many things together including; entertaining people, spiritual church stuff, getting into trouble, and pretty much everything you would expect friends to do together, except go to school together. I didn't talk much with anyone but Matt and my family. Everyone else was essentially just an acquaintance on some level or another. I really struggled socially.
My focus was on reading. I could be found reading when I wasn't doing homework or doing things with my friends and family. I was reading books that would not be expected for kids of my age. I was forced into participating in music because my parents thought it would be good for me. I hadn't watched a sports game, aside from a couple nuggets games, up to this point. I failed to see what was so interesting in them.
Simply put, at age eleven I was a complete NERD!!!!
What is it that makes me who I am today? I spend a good portion of the day seeking people that I can interact with. I love people and prefer to spend most of my time with other people. I have a good base of friends and love meeting new people.
Sports are probably the biggest focus in my life aside from school, church, and girls. I devote a lot of time to playing and watching many different sports. I have a passion for music. It still has a strong influence in all that I do. It really connects everything else in my life. And i actually seek out opportunities to play musical instruments of all varieties.
On the surface it would seem that I am a new person, that my personality has been altered. What has caused this change? As I have grown I have been able to experience more differing situations. It would be easy to say that my essential character has changed. But I wish to present a different view point. Our essential character doesn't change, our circumstances allow us to understand ourselves better and our true self becomes more apparent.
I base some of this on conversations I've had with family members. They don't really notice any changes in who I really am. According to them I have the same personality traits and behavioral tendencies.
As I have pondered on how I have grown and developed I think that my mission changed a lot of my perspectives. I learned a lot through study and observation and even just being forced to adapt to different situations. A few of the most important bits of knowledge gained were insights into who I really am and what I really enjoy.
Doctrines of gospel which were greatly researched during my days as a missionary also point to this same idea. Knowing about existence before this life and knowing that we had the same personality then are very significant in this analysis. Our spirits are in a constant struggle to overcome our mortal bodies. So the more we learn about ourselves the more we discover what our spirits really are. Our spirit is what our essential character really is. And that is not something that is easily changed, if at all.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Predictability
Life is complicated. There are thousands of different paths and destinations that we can end up on. One decision we make can alter the path that we are taking significantly.
There are many more options presented before us then we would ever consider. With each decision we have to make we normally narrow the choices down to two or three choices. This is a subconscious process with our minds quickly eliminating outlandish ideas.
What we do with the remaining choices is often very predictable. Everyone will react to situations differently then other people, but will react the same way when put in similar situations. The exception to this rule is when previous actions have resulted in harmful outcomes to ourselves. Human nature makes us want to do what is best for our self preservation. The more experiences we have the more that we understand what has the potential to injure us physically, emotionally, or whatever it may be.
As we drive this becomes very apparent. An individual may drive above the speed limit consistently for a long period of time, but the instant that the individual is caught and ticketed this behavior changes. For a small period of time at least. After a while the memory can fade and previous behaviors re-introduced.
The outward actions are a little more obvious to see this trend in ourselves. Sometimes it takes a lot more to see this in the emotional decisions we have to make, emotional decisions being those that don’t directly affect effect our physical self, but have other consequences effecting our happiness or emotional well-being.
What makes this one more difficult is that we don’t always understand what is going to be in our best interest with these decisions. When I am making the decision of when to cross the street I can tell when a car is going to hit me or not, so it becomes very easy. The emotional decisions often have factors that are beyond our control and which we cannot specifically determine till we take action.
We often calculate the outcomes of our various decisions and when we do this we usually come to the same conclusions. If someone has made fun of us for having a particular viewpoint then we probably won’t bring up that viewpoint again with that same person. Even if the other individual would have acted differently, we base our decisions on the past.
This is why it becomes easier to predict someones actions the more you get to know them. You begin to share the same experiences that they have and see how they react in different situations. Most people are not as complex as we make them out to be. It just means getting to know them, which a lot of people don’t take the time to do.
People are predictable and self protecting.
There are many more options presented before us then we would ever consider. With each decision we have to make we normally narrow the choices down to two or three choices. This is a subconscious process with our minds quickly eliminating outlandish ideas.
What we do with the remaining choices is often very predictable. Everyone will react to situations differently then other people, but will react the same way when put in similar situations. The exception to this rule is when previous actions have resulted in harmful outcomes to ourselves. Human nature makes us want to do what is best for our self preservation. The more experiences we have the more that we understand what has the potential to injure us physically, emotionally, or whatever it may be.
As we drive this becomes very apparent. An individual may drive above the speed limit consistently for a long period of time, but the instant that the individual is caught and ticketed this behavior changes. For a small period of time at least. After a while the memory can fade and previous behaviors re-introduced.
The outward actions are a little more obvious to see this trend in ourselves. Sometimes it takes a lot more to see this in the emotional decisions we have to make, emotional decisions being those that don’t directly affect effect our physical self, but have other consequences effecting our happiness or emotional well-being.
What makes this one more difficult is that we don’t always understand what is going to be in our best interest with these decisions. When I am making the decision of when to cross the street I can tell when a car is going to hit me or not, so it becomes very easy. The emotional decisions often have factors that are beyond our control and which we cannot specifically determine till we take action.
We often calculate the outcomes of our various decisions and when we do this we usually come to the same conclusions. If someone has made fun of us for having a particular viewpoint then we probably won’t bring up that viewpoint again with that same person. Even if the other individual would have acted differently, we base our decisions on the past.
This is why it becomes easier to predict someones actions the more you get to know them. You begin to share the same experiences that they have and see how they react in different situations. Most people are not as complex as we make them out to be. It just means getting to know them, which a lot of people don’t take the time to do.
People are predictable and self protecting.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
New Years Resolutions
It is the time of year where people make promises that they will change some aspect of their life that is less then perfect. The new year brings a sense of newness into peoples lives, a rejuvenation of purpose. I think this new beginning is great, but I feel that new years resolutions are ineffective.
At New Years how often do we here of someone promising they will quit smoking, starting a new exercise routine, or some new diet? Everywhere we turn people are starting new things or giving up bad habits, and while they have the best intentions and put forth effort, inevitably most will fail to keep this up for more then a week. Why is this phenomenon so rampant? Is it because no one can handle the changes they promote so heavily?
I believe that the technique in proper execution of accomplishing goals is cast aside when it comes to these resolutions. Most likely we will choose some large, semi-vague goal, attempt to tackle it all at once, and then fall flat on our face trying to accomplish it in a matter of days. Sound familiar.
There is a way to avoid this. What does it take to actually accomplish any goal worth setting? Break it down. When we understand that it will be a process to achieve success we are more likely to accomplish what we set out to do. Michael Jordan didn't become a legend in a week. It took years for him to attain his high level of athletic ability. And this is how it will be with all of us.
I believe that most of our thought out new years resolutions are good, if not great. They are worthwhile improvements to make in our lives. Let us each take the time and make the effort to breakdown our goals into achievable ones. We can have a great year as we actually keep our new years resolutions.
Yea 2009!!!
At New Years how often do we here of someone promising they will quit smoking, starting a new exercise routine, or some new diet? Everywhere we turn people are starting new things or giving up bad habits, and while they have the best intentions and put forth effort, inevitably most will fail to keep this up for more then a week. Why is this phenomenon so rampant? Is it because no one can handle the changes they promote so heavily?
I believe that the technique in proper execution of accomplishing goals is cast aside when it comes to these resolutions. Most likely we will choose some large, semi-vague goal, attempt to tackle it all at once, and then fall flat on our face trying to accomplish it in a matter of days. Sound familiar.
There is a way to avoid this. What does it take to actually accomplish any goal worth setting? Break it down. When we understand that it will be a process to achieve success we are more likely to accomplish what we set out to do. Michael Jordan didn't become a legend in a week. It took years for him to attain his high level of athletic ability. And this is how it will be with all of us.
I believe that most of our thought out new years resolutions are good, if not great. They are worthwhile improvements to make in our lives. Let us each take the time and make the effort to breakdown our goals into achievable ones. We can have a great year as we actually keep our new years resolutions.
Yea 2009!!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The Day I Almost Died
So today I made an almost fatal mistake and i wish to share this so that people can know what to avoid in the future. I know its a bit of a shift from the normal thoughts that I share on here, but please bear with me. The next post will be a return to the original type of thoughts.
Tonight after basketball a few of us decided to go hot-tubing. We thought that this would be a wonderful way to unwind after such a tiring activity. So we drove up to a house in the mountains to enjoy this hot tub. Upon arrival I noticed that there was a very severe wind, which made it a little more difficult to open the car door. It was bone-chilling walking to the door where Danny let us in the door.
After getting settled down on the couches and waiting for everyone to arrive, we discussed the current situation and decided that we would still go out to the hot tub, despite the adverse weather conditions. So Colin, Danny, Kimee and I all got ready to go outside. I was a little slower to get outside because of a texting conversation I was having.
Danny and Colin removed the cover and attempted to carry it to be set out of the way. Almost immediately the wind grabbed hold of the cover and dragged Danny and Colin across the balcony right into Kimee's face. No significant injuries were sustained.
I finally dragged myself outside and witnessed the aftermath of this event and helped bring the cover inside. After which we all jumped into the hot tub. I, out of instinct almost had grabbed my phone and brought it with me. After a few minutes I realized how foolish this action was. My fingers could hardly move and I had to keep my hand out of the hot water to keep the phone from being blown into the water.
After five minutes of torture to my hand I finally just set the phone down on the ground just outside of the hot tub. I put my hand into the hot water and found quick relief to the numbing cold of the wind. I assumed that it was going to get better from here on out.
I soon found out that a cold hand was the least of my concerns. After another ten minutes went by my right hand cramped up and I could no longer fully extend my fingers. Everyone soon new my situation due to the shouts of panic I let out. Before I knew it my other hand was doing the same thing. I could really figure out what to do, so I finally just let my hands adjust to the seemingly scalding water. Eventually the hands stopped spasming and were able to once again flex correctly.
No sooner did this happen when I realized that my feet were on the heat source, which was a little hot for my taste. The only way I could adjust was to stretch out on my side of the tub. Things seemed to be ok for the moment and I was happy, for a moment.
We soon turned on the jets to massage our backs. The jets laughed in my face, and by laughing I mean splashing water into my face. I now had to continually dip my head in the water to keep it from getting numb. This however lead to a problem I hadn't completely realized. By getting my face wet, the face would cool down significantly faster, making dips more frequent and more rewarding.
Before I knew it everyone had shifted positions due to the wind direction and were now leaning on me. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, because I was distracted by a very cold face, but it seemed very sudden. The other three had plenty of room to stretch out, while I was left curled up and trapped by the heads placed on my body.
After getting blasted by the frigid air, I succombed to peer pressure and layed down in the same direction as everyone else in the pool. This proved to be an almost fatal decision on my part. After a little time had passed I found myself lodged against the side wall with colin still moving in my direction, even though he was pretty close to me already.
Danny suddenly jumped out of the water and bolted inside. I turned to look at his graceful run back to warmth and shelter from the wind, and was greeted with a large splash of water in my face. This new position I found to not be in my favor. The jet would splash water onto my face every few seconds, leaving my face more and more exposed to the air. Colin was quick to let me know the reason for my face being extra cold. I hadn't shaved for a few days.
"You should have shaved this morning," Colin shouted over the roar of the wind
"I didn't know things were going to be like this," I quickly defended myself.
"You're a boy scout, you should be prepared for things like this."
"I thought I looked good like this."
"But you should have shaved it off this morning."
"I wanted to wait till next week."
"I bet your going to shave it off tomorrow."
"I'll forget by tomorrow, who am I kidding, I'll remember it tomorrow."
"That's for sure, you bearded man."
We had many conversations like this one, all pointing to how ill prepared we were for this experience. Mostly making fun of my particular circumstances. Then we discovered that Colin had been sitting on the heat source for quite some time. I fight for the hot spot then ensued between Colin and Kimee, with Colin eventually agreeing to share rights to the hot spot.
I soon chimed in that it would be a good idea to let me experience some warmth from the heat source. We shifted and I was placed over the hot spot, but I couldn't feel any extra heat. Colin quickly pushed me down into the water so that I could get warmed up, but I still didn't really notice a difference. Upon mentioning this fact I was kicked out of my spot and found myself standing in the cold air, pretty exposed. I decided that this may be the time to make my dash to house. So I got out of the hot tub and remembered that I had my phone out there and turned around to grab it. I then dashed inside greeted by warmth and a dry towel.
It took several more minutes for Kimee to come in, shivering and grateful for the warmth. As Kimee saw Colin making a run for the door she blocked the door so that Colin couldn't come inside. We were able to witness Colin do a clever hop around dance to stay warm, and thankfully a few seconds later Kimee let him in.
We all warmed up for about fifteen more minutes and then we decided to put the cover back on. With four of us holding the cover we felt that it would work out better then the attempt to take it off. It carried us a little ways at first, but then we were able to get the cover on, with a loud thud as the wind pushed the fold into its proper position. We latched it and ran back inside, at which point I suggested that we never do that again.
Tonight after basketball a few of us decided to go hot-tubing. We thought that this would be a wonderful way to unwind after such a tiring activity. So we drove up to a house in the mountains to enjoy this hot tub. Upon arrival I noticed that there was a very severe wind, which made it a little more difficult to open the car door. It was bone-chilling walking to the door where Danny let us in the door.
After getting settled down on the couches and waiting for everyone to arrive, we discussed the current situation and decided that we would still go out to the hot tub, despite the adverse weather conditions. So Colin, Danny, Kimee and I all got ready to go outside. I was a little slower to get outside because of a texting conversation I was having.
Danny and Colin removed the cover and attempted to carry it to be set out of the way. Almost immediately the wind grabbed hold of the cover and dragged Danny and Colin across the balcony right into Kimee's face. No significant injuries were sustained.
I finally dragged myself outside and witnessed the aftermath of this event and helped bring the cover inside. After which we all jumped into the hot tub. I, out of instinct almost had grabbed my phone and brought it with me. After a few minutes I realized how foolish this action was. My fingers could hardly move and I had to keep my hand out of the hot water to keep the phone from being blown into the water.
After five minutes of torture to my hand I finally just set the phone down on the ground just outside of the hot tub. I put my hand into the hot water and found quick relief to the numbing cold of the wind. I assumed that it was going to get better from here on out.
I soon found out that a cold hand was the least of my concerns. After another ten minutes went by my right hand cramped up and I could no longer fully extend my fingers. Everyone soon new my situation due to the shouts of panic I let out. Before I knew it my other hand was doing the same thing. I could really figure out what to do, so I finally just let my hands adjust to the seemingly scalding water. Eventually the hands stopped spasming and were able to once again flex correctly.
No sooner did this happen when I realized that my feet were on the heat source, which was a little hot for my taste. The only way I could adjust was to stretch out on my side of the tub. Things seemed to be ok for the moment and I was happy, for a moment.
We soon turned on the jets to massage our backs. The jets laughed in my face, and by laughing I mean splashing water into my face. I now had to continually dip my head in the water to keep it from getting numb. This however lead to a problem I hadn't completely realized. By getting my face wet, the face would cool down significantly faster, making dips more frequent and more rewarding.
Before I knew it everyone had shifted positions due to the wind direction and were now leaning on me. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, because I was distracted by a very cold face, but it seemed very sudden. The other three had plenty of room to stretch out, while I was left curled up and trapped by the heads placed on my body.
After getting blasted by the frigid air, I succombed to peer pressure and layed down in the same direction as everyone else in the pool. This proved to be an almost fatal decision on my part. After a little time had passed I found myself lodged against the side wall with colin still moving in my direction, even though he was pretty close to me already.
Danny suddenly jumped out of the water and bolted inside. I turned to look at his graceful run back to warmth and shelter from the wind, and was greeted with a large splash of water in my face. This new position I found to not be in my favor. The jet would splash water onto my face every few seconds, leaving my face more and more exposed to the air. Colin was quick to let me know the reason for my face being extra cold. I hadn't shaved for a few days.
"You should have shaved this morning," Colin shouted over the roar of the wind
"I didn't know things were going to be like this," I quickly defended myself.
"You're a boy scout, you should be prepared for things like this."
"I thought I looked good like this."
"But you should have shaved it off this morning."
"I wanted to wait till next week."
"I bet your going to shave it off tomorrow."
"I'll forget by tomorrow, who am I kidding, I'll remember it tomorrow."
"That's for sure, you bearded man."
We had many conversations like this one, all pointing to how ill prepared we were for this experience. Mostly making fun of my particular circumstances. Then we discovered that Colin had been sitting on the heat source for quite some time. I fight for the hot spot then ensued between Colin and Kimee, with Colin eventually agreeing to share rights to the hot spot.
I soon chimed in that it would be a good idea to let me experience some warmth from the heat source. We shifted and I was placed over the hot spot, but I couldn't feel any extra heat. Colin quickly pushed me down into the water so that I could get warmed up, but I still didn't really notice a difference. Upon mentioning this fact I was kicked out of my spot and found myself standing in the cold air, pretty exposed. I decided that this may be the time to make my dash to house. So I got out of the hot tub and remembered that I had my phone out there and turned around to grab it. I then dashed inside greeted by warmth and a dry towel.
It took several more minutes for Kimee to come in, shivering and grateful for the warmth. As Kimee saw Colin making a run for the door she blocked the door so that Colin couldn't come inside. We were able to witness Colin do a clever hop around dance to stay warm, and thankfully a few seconds later Kimee let him in.
We all warmed up for about fifteen more minutes and then we decided to put the cover back on. With four of us holding the cover we felt that it would work out better then the attempt to take it off. It carried us a little ways at first, but then we were able to get the cover on, with a loud thud as the wind pushed the fold into its proper position. We latched it and ran back inside, at which point I suggested that we never do that again.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Family
Hopefully this makes sense as I write it. The thoughts that I have had make sense to me and I hope that I can convey what I mean effectively.
I have been in Arizona for the last few days visiting my Aunt and Uncle, my two cousins, Grandma, and my dad, brother, and sister. When I was first told about our trip my thoughts turned to how much different life is for me when I am down in Phoenix. I was sad to be leaving behind my friends in Fort Collins, and all the fun things that I do with them. It hadn't quite settled on me that I had the opportunity to see some important people that I hadn't heard from, let alone seen for about a year. Needless to say I was less then enthusiastic about my trip out of town.
The last three days have changed my perspective in what I consider a significant way. I think that it is easy to take family for granted when they live in town like mine does. I can easily just drive across town to see them almost any time that I want to. When I woke up on Saturday morning to the sounds of my three year old cousin, it didn't take long before I went out to see my family. It was really surprising to see how much my two cousins had changed in a short year. I feel like they are almost twice as big. The three year old can actually form sentences and respond somewhat logically when I talk with him. So what did I miss in this last year.
I was talking with my aunt for about an hour just sharing different experiences from the past year. I was fascinated to find out how much things had actually changed for her family in the last year. And I had absolutely no idea. But on the same note, my aunt had no idea about half of the changes that had happened to me in the last year. (she does get frequent updates from my dad and so she knows a bit about me.)
The fascinating thing is the fact that nothing had changed in our relationships. We were able to pick up right where we left off. This hardly ever happens with our friends. Sometimes we have a close enough friendship with someone that long periods between contact don't really affect anything. With these friends we can see the same effect take place.
So what is it that is so important about family? What is this special bond that can bridge almost any obstacle, whether it be time and space away from each other, trials that may come, or even difficulties between family members themselves?
Even in non-traditional families this same bond can be seen, though in a different light. Maybe the bond between the mother and the father can be severed and that relationship changes, but this doesn't necessarily change the relationship between the children and each individual parent. It almost becomes a revitalization in some situations, where previous barriers are dissolved and a relationship can continue on and be like it would have been if the barrier had never been there. I have seen this in talking with many different friends, and through other observations, and so far i haven't really found any discrepancies in the results.
So obviously the family has a role that cannot be replaced, no matter how much we can try. Even though my friends play a huge role in my life right now, I always turn to my family for so much that my friends can't really offer to me. And this isn't to discredit my friends at all. They are fantastic. I don't know what I would do without them.
I do however know what i would do without each member of my family. I won't go into details here, but as I have reflected I have come to know the role of each family member in my life, and the gaps that would be present in my life. I don't think that anyone else could really fill those roles.
I think that no matter what our family circumstance is, we have something to be grateful for. They do so much for us, even if we are oblivious to this fact.
I am truly grateful for my family and everything they mean to me. And at this time of year I think that is something that comes out in everyone. No matter what phase in life we are in. And that's why families come together during the holiday season. Because we each have some family tie that gets realized, and which we honor with our time.
How wonderful it is to have our families. Cherish them for all the good that they bring. And forget the pain that some individuals cause. These actions will bring us joy and happiness this Christmas season and as long as we keep that as a focus.
I have been in Arizona for the last few days visiting my Aunt and Uncle, my two cousins, Grandma, and my dad, brother, and sister. When I was first told about our trip my thoughts turned to how much different life is for me when I am down in Phoenix. I was sad to be leaving behind my friends in Fort Collins, and all the fun things that I do with them. It hadn't quite settled on me that I had the opportunity to see some important people that I hadn't heard from, let alone seen for about a year. Needless to say I was less then enthusiastic about my trip out of town.
The last three days have changed my perspective in what I consider a significant way. I think that it is easy to take family for granted when they live in town like mine does. I can easily just drive across town to see them almost any time that I want to. When I woke up on Saturday morning to the sounds of my three year old cousin, it didn't take long before I went out to see my family. It was really surprising to see how much my two cousins had changed in a short year. I feel like they are almost twice as big. The three year old can actually form sentences and respond somewhat logically when I talk with him. So what did I miss in this last year.
I was talking with my aunt for about an hour just sharing different experiences from the past year. I was fascinated to find out how much things had actually changed for her family in the last year. And I had absolutely no idea. But on the same note, my aunt had no idea about half of the changes that had happened to me in the last year. (she does get frequent updates from my dad and so she knows a bit about me.)
The fascinating thing is the fact that nothing had changed in our relationships. We were able to pick up right where we left off. This hardly ever happens with our friends. Sometimes we have a close enough friendship with someone that long periods between contact don't really affect anything. With these friends we can see the same effect take place.
So what is it that is so important about family? What is this special bond that can bridge almost any obstacle, whether it be time and space away from each other, trials that may come, or even difficulties between family members themselves?
Even in non-traditional families this same bond can be seen, though in a different light. Maybe the bond between the mother and the father can be severed and that relationship changes, but this doesn't necessarily change the relationship between the children and each individual parent. It almost becomes a revitalization in some situations, where previous barriers are dissolved and a relationship can continue on and be like it would have been if the barrier had never been there. I have seen this in talking with many different friends, and through other observations, and so far i haven't really found any discrepancies in the results.
So obviously the family has a role that cannot be replaced, no matter how much we can try. Even though my friends play a huge role in my life right now, I always turn to my family for so much that my friends can't really offer to me. And this isn't to discredit my friends at all. They are fantastic. I don't know what I would do without them.
I do however know what i would do without each member of my family. I won't go into details here, but as I have reflected I have come to know the role of each family member in my life, and the gaps that would be present in my life. I don't think that anyone else could really fill those roles.
I think that no matter what our family circumstance is, we have something to be grateful for. They do so much for us, even if we are oblivious to this fact.
I am truly grateful for my family and everything they mean to me. And at this time of year I think that is something that comes out in everyone. No matter what phase in life we are in. And that's why families come together during the holiday season. Because we each have some family tie that gets realized, and which we honor with our time.
How wonderful it is to have our families. Cherish them for all the good that they bring. And forget the pain that some individuals cause. These actions will bring us joy and happiness this Christmas season and as long as we keep that as a focus.
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