Lately it has become fairly obvious to me that I am not as happy as I have been in the past. This has cause me to ponder quite a lot on why that is and how I can change that. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot going for me. I have a great girlfriend, I have good friends, I enjoy my job most of the time, and I know what I want to do with my life career wise. The problem, I do the same thing day in and day out. I have missed one week of Monday night basketball in over a year. I almost never miss a ward activity, no matter how small. I can pretty well lay out what I will be doing on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday every week. This used to be very nice, knowing that I would probably be able to have something going on every night.

I tried to take a vacation this week and that didn't work out at all. I have not left Fort Collins for more then a day or night since I went to my mission reunion last October. And that was only for 2 days.

I have begun to wonder if I let my life control me rather then controlling my life. I think that to a certain extent we have to let life control us a little bit. But we need to be able to have flexibility. I don't know how to do this. I need to be able to mix things up, but I am struggling. I can think that I need a new hobby to cause me to change and to stretch myself. I am open to a lot of different ideas.

Why I need girls

There is a pattern in my life that has always left me a little confused. It is the cycle of dating. I seem to have many opportunities to date different girls and things will go well for a month or so and then I will get crushed. Sometimes it will take weeks for me to get over the situations that arise. I often wonder why I subject myself to this time and time again knowing that this cycle has a good chance of repeating itself. The answer is very simple. I need girls in my life. Let me tell you why I have come to this conclusion.

1. I don't want a guy holding my hand

I can think of many things that make girls better then guys. One of the first things that come to mind are the small physical touches that i would never let a guy do. Examples of this include the holding of the hand, cuddling, scratching my back, and kissing. None of these things, with the exception of maybe scratching of my back, will happen with a girl that I am not interested in. I have needs in these areas and so fundamentally speaking I will continue to go back to girls time and time again.

2. The good moments usually outweigh the bad

I get screwed over by girls all the time. And IT SUCKS!!! For days or weeks on end I am upset at the world. There is a lot of pain and anguish that is only caused by my being attached to a girl and having to let go. However the good moments that come from being in a relationship are huge. When I am with a girl that I like I am happy like nothing else can make me happy. All of this good will outweigh the pain of a breakup or a fight almost every time. And if it doesn't then it was a stupid choice anyway.

3. I like girls too much

I have sworn off girls after pretty much every relationship that I've been in. This has never actually lasted more then 2 weeks. I always seem to find some girl that attracts my attention enough to make me take action no matter how bitter I am in the moment. In fact I think it is safe to say that it is the perpetual liking of a new girl that gets me over the bitterness towards the other girl.


Its a crazy life dealing with girls all the time. Sometimes it is very hard. If these thoughts don't make sense, thats ok. I often have trouble figuring out why I do it as well. And in the moment of writing this seemed to make sense. However, girls will always remain a mystery to me and I will continue to put myself in potentially hazardous situations emotionally.