So today I made an almost fatal mistake and i wish to share this so that people can know what to avoid in the future. I know its a bit of a shift from the normal thoughts that I share on here, but please bear with me. The next post will be a return to the original type of thoughts.
Tonight after basketball a few of us decided to go hot-tubing. We thought that this would be a wonderful way to unwind after such a tiring activity. So we drove up to a house in the mountains to enjoy this hot tub. Upon arrival I noticed that there was a very severe wind, which made it a little more difficult to open the car door. It was bone-chilling walking to the door where Danny let us in the door.
After getting settled down on the couches and waiting for everyone to arrive, we discussed the current situation and decided that we would still go out to the hot tub, despite the adverse weather conditions. So Colin, Danny, Kimee and I all got ready to go outside. I was a little slower to get outside because of a texting conversation I was having.
Danny and Colin removed the cover and attempted to carry it to be set out of the way. Almost immediately the wind grabbed hold of the cover and dragged Danny and Colin across the balcony right into Kimee's face. No significant injuries were sustained.
I finally dragged myself outside and witnessed the aftermath of this event and helped bring the cover inside. After which we all jumped into the hot tub. I, out of instinct almost had grabbed my phone and brought it with me. After a few minutes I realized how foolish this action was. My fingers could hardly move and I had to keep my hand out of the hot water to keep the phone from being blown into the water.
After five minutes of torture to my hand I finally just set the phone down on the ground just outside of the hot tub. I put my hand into the hot water and found quick relief to the numbing cold of the wind. I assumed that it was going to get better from here on out.
I soon found out that a cold hand was the least of my concerns. After another ten minutes went by my right hand cramped up and I could no longer fully extend my fingers. Everyone soon new my situation due to the shouts of panic I let out. Before I knew it my other hand was doing the same thing. I could really figure out what to do, so I finally just let my hands adjust to the seemingly scalding water. Eventually the hands stopped spasming and were able to once again flex correctly.
No sooner did this happen when I realized that my feet were on the heat source, which was a little hot for my taste. The only way I could adjust was to stretch out on my side of the tub. Things seemed to be ok for the moment and I was happy, for a moment.
We soon turned on the jets to massage our backs. The jets laughed in my face, and by laughing I mean splashing water into my face. I now had to continually dip my head in the water to keep it from getting numb. This however lead to a problem I hadn't completely realized. By getting my face wet, the face would cool down significantly faster, making dips more frequent and more rewarding.
Before I knew it everyone had shifted positions due to the wind direction and were now leaning on me. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, because I was distracted by a very cold face, but it seemed very sudden. The other three had plenty of room to stretch out, while I was left curled up and trapped by the heads placed on my body.
After getting blasted by the frigid air, I succombed to peer pressure and layed down in the same direction as everyone else in the pool. This proved to be an almost fatal decision on my part. After a little time had passed I found myself lodged against the side wall with colin still moving in my direction, even though he was pretty close to me already.
Danny suddenly jumped out of the water and bolted inside. I turned to look at his graceful run back to warmth and shelter from the wind, and was greeted with a large splash of water in my face. This new position I found to not be in my favor. The jet would splash water onto my face every few seconds, leaving my face more and more exposed to the air. Colin was quick to let me know the reason for my face being extra cold. I hadn't shaved for a few days.
"You should have shaved this morning," Colin shouted over the roar of the wind
"I didn't know things were going to be like this," I quickly defended myself.
"You're a boy scout, you should be prepared for things like this."
"I thought I looked good like this."
"But you should have shaved it off this morning."
"I wanted to wait till next week."
"I bet your going to shave it off tomorrow."
"I'll forget by tomorrow, who am I kidding, I'll remember it tomorrow."
"That's for sure, you bearded man."
We had many conversations like this one, all pointing to how ill prepared we were for this experience. Mostly making fun of my particular circumstances. Then we discovered that Colin had been sitting on the heat source for quite some time. I fight for the hot spot then ensued between Colin and Kimee, with Colin eventually agreeing to share rights to the hot spot.
I soon chimed in that it would be a good idea to let me experience some warmth from the heat source. We shifted and I was placed over the hot spot, but I couldn't feel any extra heat. Colin quickly pushed me down into the water so that I could get warmed up, but I still didn't really notice a difference. Upon mentioning this fact I was kicked out of my spot and found myself standing in the cold air, pretty exposed. I decided that this may be the time to make my dash to house. So I got out of the hot tub and remembered that I had my phone out there and turned around to grab it. I then dashed inside greeted by warmth and a dry towel.
It took several more minutes for Kimee to come in, shivering and grateful for the warmth. As Kimee saw Colin making a run for the door she blocked the door so that Colin couldn't come inside. We were able to witness Colin do a clever hop around dance to stay warm, and thankfully a few seconds later Kimee let him in.
We all warmed up for about fifteen more minutes and then we decided to put the cover back on. With four of us holding the cover we felt that it would work out better then the attempt to take it off. It carried us a little ways at first, but then we were able to get the cover on, with a loud thud as the wind pushed the fold into its proper position. We latched it and ran back inside, at which point I suggested that we never do that again.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Family
Hopefully this makes sense as I write it. The thoughts that I have had make sense to me and I hope that I can convey what I mean effectively.
I have been in Arizona for the last few days visiting my Aunt and Uncle, my two cousins, Grandma, and my dad, brother, and sister. When I was first told about our trip my thoughts turned to how much different life is for me when I am down in Phoenix. I was sad to be leaving behind my friends in Fort Collins, and all the fun things that I do with them. It hadn't quite settled on me that I had the opportunity to see some important people that I hadn't heard from, let alone seen for about a year. Needless to say I was less then enthusiastic about my trip out of town.
The last three days have changed my perspective in what I consider a significant way. I think that it is easy to take family for granted when they live in town like mine does. I can easily just drive across town to see them almost any time that I want to. When I woke up on Saturday morning to the sounds of my three year old cousin, it didn't take long before I went out to see my family. It was really surprising to see how much my two cousins had changed in a short year. I feel like they are almost twice as big. The three year old can actually form sentences and respond somewhat logically when I talk with him. So what did I miss in this last year.
I was talking with my aunt for about an hour just sharing different experiences from the past year. I was fascinated to find out how much things had actually changed for her family in the last year. And I had absolutely no idea. But on the same note, my aunt had no idea about half of the changes that had happened to me in the last year. (she does get frequent updates from my dad and so she knows a bit about me.)
The fascinating thing is the fact that nothing had changed in our relationships. We were able to pick up right where we left off. This hardly ever happens with our friends. Sometimes we have a close enough friendship with someone that long periods between contact don't really affect anything. With these friends we can see the same effect take place.
So what is it that is so important about family? What is this special bond that can bridge almost any obstacle, whether it be time and space away from each other, trials that may come, or even difficulties between family members themselves?
Even in non-traditional families this same bond can be seen, though in a different light. Maybe the bond between the mother and the father can be severed and that relationship changes, but this doesn't necessarily change the relationship between the children and each individual parent. It almost becomes a revitalization in some situations, where previous barriers are dissolved and a relationship can continue on and be like it would have been if the barrier had never been there. I have seen this in talking with many different friends, and through other observations, and so far i haven't really found any discrepancies in the results.
So obviously the family has a role that cannot be replaced, no matter how much we can try. Even though my friends play a huge role in my life right now, I always turn to my family for so much that my friends can't really offer to me. And this isn't to discredit my friends at all. They are fantastic. I don't know what I would do without them.
I do however know what i would do without each member of my family. I won't go into details here, but as I have reflected I have come to know the role of each family member in my life, and the gaps that would be present in my life. I don't think that anyone else could really fill those roles.
I think that no matter what our family circumstance is, we have something to be grateful for. They do so much for us, even if we are oblivious to this fact.
I am truly grateful for my family and everything they mean to me. And at this time of year I think that is something that comes out in everyone. No matter what phase in life we are in. And that's why families come together during the holiday season. Because we each have some family tie that gets realized, and which we honor with our time.
How wonderful it is to have our families. Cherish them for all the good that they bring. And forget the pain that some individuals cause. These actions will bring us joy and happiness this Christmas season and as long as we keep that as a focus.
I have been in Arizona for the last few days visiting my Aunt and Uncle, my two cousins, Grandma, and my dad, brother, and sister. When I was first told about our trip my thoughts turned to how much different life is for me when I am down in Phoenix. I was sad to be leaving behind my friends in Fort Collins, and all the fun things that I do with them. It hadn't quite settled on me that I had the opportunity to see some important people that I hadn't heard from, let alone seen for about a year. Needless to say I was less then enthusiastic about my trip out of town.
The last three days have changed my perspective in what I consider a significant way. I think that it is easy to take family for granted when they live in town like mine does. I can easily just drive across town to see them almost any time that I want to. When I woke up on Saturday morning to the sounds of my three year old cousin, it didn't take long before I went out to see my family. It was really surprising to see how much my two cousins had changed in a short year. I feel like they are almost twice as big. The three year old can actually form sentences and respond somewhat logically when I talk with him. So what did I miss in this last year.
I was talking with my aunt for about an hour just sharing different experiences from the past year. I was fascinated to find out how much things had actually changed for her family in the last year. And I had absolutely no idea. But on the same note, my aunt had no idea about half of the changes that had happened to me in the last year. (she does get frequent updates from my dad and so she knows a bit about me.)
The fascinating thing is the fact that nothing had changed in our relationships. We were able to pick up right where we left off. This hardly ever happens with our friends. Sometimes we have a close enough friendship with someone that long periods between contact don't really affect anything. With these friends we can see the same effect take place.
So what is it that is so important about family? What is this special bond that can bridge almost any obstacle, whether it be time and space away from each other, trials that may come, or even difficulties between family members themselves?
Even in non-traditional families this same bond can be seen, though in a different light. Maybe the bond between the mother and the father can be severed and that relationship changes, but this doesn't necessarily change the relationship between the children and each individual parent. It almost becomes a revitalization in some situations, where previous barriers are dissolved and a relationship can continue on and be like it would have been if the barrier had never been there. I have seen this in talking with many different friends, and through other observations, and so far i haven't really found any discrepancies in the results.
So obviously the family has a role that cannot be replaced, no matter how much we can try. Even though my friends play a huge role in my life right now, I always turn to my family for so much that my friends can't really offer to me. And this isn't to discredit my friends at all. They are fantastic. I don't know what I would do without them.
I do however know what i would do without each member of my family. I won't go into details here, but as I have reflected I have come to know the role of each family member in my life, and the gaps that would be present in my life. I don't think that anyone else could really fill those roles.
I think that no matter what our family circumstance is, we have something to be grateful for. They do so much for us, even if we are oblivious to this fact.
I am truly grateful for my family and everything they mean to me. And at this time of year I think that is something that comes out in everyone. No matter what phase in life we are in. And that's why families come together during the holiday season. Because we each have some family tie that gets realized, and which we honor with our time.
How wonderful it is to have our families. Cherish them for all the good that they bring. And forget the pain that some individuals cause. These actions will bring us joy and happiness this Christmas season and as long as we keep that as a focus.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
My recent hiatus
I realize that it has been several days since I last posted anything. I have had much going on trying to get back into CSU. Luckily I am back in now and I am registered for classes so i no longer have to worry about that task. I will have time once again to write down my deep thoughts. Look forward to another post coming tonight. It has been several days in the making.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Assumptions
Life is filled with the need to interact with other people. Our actions are often based on how we feel these other individuals will respond. But it is impossible to know exactly how others feel towards everything. In order to bridge this gap we often make assumptions based on our own thoughts and ideas.
Sometimes this is very beneficial, for it allows us to progress more fully without all the setbacks that could happen. So sometimes it can be good to make assumptions. But we are never completely accurate in our assumptions. In fact at times we are usually wrong. This is not necessarily harmful, but it can be. Incorrect assumptions can ruin friendships and other relationships under some circumstances.
I have noticed that the most harm is done when people relay their assumptions to others, which in turn are regarded as fact. When false knowledge is spread around and is significant enough then reputations are ruined. Peoples egos become deflated and it can take significant amounts of time to restore that which was lost.
Other times we assume that people understand what we are doing, that they know what we want, or that they understand our needs. So often this is not the case. This type of assumption affects us in several ways. The first way is that we are often hurt because we create expectations of how someone will act which are not always fulfilled. But should we necessarily be hurt or disappointed by this? It would be unwise to do this. "They should have known" is a phrase that I hear much to often. While it is true that in some situations people do know exactly what you need, so often this is not the case.
How many times do we look back at things and say I should have done this or that? I do it all the time. It is often so obvious what we should have done when we look back at the situation. But it is so easy to overlook the obvious while in the moment. We hope that others will look past our missed actions. Because we understand the situation we feel justified in this hope. But having this attitude means that we should turn around and understand that this could very well have happened when others fell short of our expectations.
Let us not be so careless as to make inaccurate assumptions. It may be safer to not make assumptions at all. And so that others don't make incorrect assumptions that hurt you, voice the things that matter. Don't be unwise about it. But keep in mind that sometimes those around us need a little help in helping you.
Sometimes this is very beneficial, for it allows us to progress more fully without all the setbacks that could happen. So sometimes it can be good to make assumptions. But we are never completely accurate in our assumptions. In fact at times we are usually wrong. This is not necessarily harmful, but it can be. Incorrect assumptions can ruin friendships and other relationships under some circumstances.
I have noticed that the most harm is done when people relay their assumptions to others, which in turn are regarded as fact. When false knowledge is spread around and is significant enough then reputations are ruined. Peoples egos become deflated and it can take significant amounts of time to restore that which was lost.
Other times we assume that people understand what we are doing, that they know what we want, or that they understand our needs. So often this is not the case. This type of assumption affects us in several ways. The first way is that we are often hurt because we create expectations of how someone will act which are not always fulfilled. But should we necessarily be hurt or disappointed by this? It would be unwise to do this. "They should have known" is a phrase that I hear much to often. While it is true that in some situations people do know exactly what you need, so often this is not the case.
How many times do we look back at things and say I should have done this or that? I do it all the time. It is often so obvious what we should have done when we look back at the situation. But it is so easy to overlook the obvious while in the moment. We hope that others will look past our missed actions. Because we understand the situation we feel justified in this hope. But having this attitude means that we should turn around and understand that this could very well have happened when others fell short of our expectations.
Let us not be so careless as to make inaccurate assumptions. It may be safer to not make assumptions at all. And so that others don't make incorrect assumptions that hurt you, voice the things that matter. Don't be unwise about it. But keep in mind that sometimes those around us need a little help in helping you.
Friday, December 12, 2008
What drives me?
I wasn't sure if i should post this or not. But I decided that perhaps others might enjoy looking at what motivates me. And perhaps by reading this you will ponder on your priorities in life. And trust me, it took a lot of introspection to come to a lot of the conclusions that led to this post.
Over this past year I have had a lot of things change for me. If you had asked me what I would be doing right now, when I moved back to Fort Collins, I never would have guessed correctly. Some of the changes have been for the better, and others have not been so positive.
One huge unexpected thing for me was having this year off from school. I won't go into details here, but CSU hasn't let me take classes for various reasons that really don't make sense to me. Although it is frustrating to have been delayed in my education, I consider the growth that has come to me from it.
I was on the fast track to becoming a doctor. Which really isn't that fast compared to anything other then just a regular graduation path for a doctor. I had chosen this because it just seemed to be a good idea. I knew that I could enjoy a few aspects of this career, but I will admit that I was mostly just looking at the financial aspects. With the semester off I decided that it would be a good idea to really think of what i want to do for a career. In order to do this I felt it required really thinking of what my priorities in life are, and making sure I could accomplish my priorities.
What is most important to me? What should be important to me? What is it that drives me in life? By answering these questions I felt that I could better pick a major/career.
The most prominent thing that drives me to do what I do is my Love of the Lord. If attending every Institute class this semester wasn't a good sign of this let me show this even more plainly. I have had many experiences in the last 5-6 years that have significantly shaped me spiritually. Things that i learned as a priest still remain with me, especially my testimony. I have had to turn to the Lord to get me through my greatest trials and moments of weakness.
I think to my mission and the months that I spent with a broken foot and other foot problems. During these moments of excruciating pain I was put on a bike for a transfer (6 weeks). I physically could not pedal the bike with both legs, which caused a great inconsistency in muscle use. I did not have the most encouraging companion at the time. In fact, he openly tried to make my life miserable. I was brought down to one of the lowest points I've ever been in during my life. I cannot go into details in such a public setting, but I wish to point out that during the moments where I could go no further, I came to truly understand what the Love of my Savior can do for me. I cannot express how much my relationship with Him changed in those moments. I have developed an incredibly deep love for my Savior and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and indebtedness to Him.
This experience, and many others, has made the Savior the number one priority in my life. I am driven to do whatever I can to be worthy of these profound blessings that have been pronounced upon me.
My second priority is my family. Right now it is impossible to describe what all my family has done for me. No one else has been as loyal to me as my family. I know that I can always count on support through the trials. I anticipate that my future family will also fill a similar, though somewhat different role. I don't wish to elaborate on this topic much because I feel that most will understand what a family means to an individual. I also feel that good friends can fit into this category, however I understand that the relationship there is not usually as deep.
My third priority in life is to make other people happy. I find that I do this in two ways. The first is that I make people laugh. I find great joy in making other people laugh. In addition to this I am very happy when I am able to help my friends, and other people in general, to be able to overcome different challenges. I have gone through cycles in my life where at times I will have several people coming to me for advice, and then there are the times where no one is coming to me. I find that I feel a lot more complete when I am able to share my thoughts with those around me.
The fourth priority in my life is music. I constantly have music in my life. I started learning how to play the piano as a young child. This has been a huge benefit to me. Music is a great outlet to me now. It helps me to be able to put my thoughts together and sometimes to really understand what I am feeling. I now focus on other instruments. I find that the guitar allows me to express myself easier. The songs that have the most meaning to me are the ones that I can relate to. I've noticed that some songs can say the things that I cannot fully express with words alone. Music has become my passion for that reason. Ever pulled up beside me in the car? You will see the proof.
My list goes on, but I will end my list here because these are the ones that affect me the most. As I began to truly understand what I need in life, (sometimes you just need to remind yourself), I realized that my current career path could use a change. While I think I could have done a good job being a doctor, I would have had to abandon some of the things that make me who I am. I would not have had much time for my family and I would not be able to do anything music related. That is not something I am willing to do. And its mostly the family time factor.
So I have now been able to find something that will allow me to continue with the things that motivate me for the rest of my life. I am grateful for that.
Over this past year I have had a lot of things change for me. If you had asked me what I would be doing right now, when I moved back to Fort Collins, I never would have guessed correctly. Some of the changes have been for the better, and others have not been so positive.
One huge unexpected thing for me was having this year off from school. I won't go into details here, but CSU hasn't let me take classes for various reasons that really don't make sense to me. Although it is frustrating to have been delayed in my education, I consider the growth that has come to me from it.
I was on the fast track to becoming a doctor. Which really isn't that fast compared to anything other then just a regular graduation path for a doctor. I had chosen this because it just seemed to be a good idea. I knew that I could enjoy a few aspects of this career, but I will admit that I was mostly just looking at the financial aspects. With the semester off I decided that it would be a good idea to really think of what i want to do for a career. In order to do this I felt it required really thinking of what my priorities in life are, and making sure I could accomplish my priorities.
What is most important to me? What should be important to me? What is it that drives me in life? By answering these questions I felt that I could better pick a major/career.
The most prominent thing that drives me to do what I do is my Love of the Lord. If attending every Institute class this semester wasn't a good sign of this let me show this even more plainly. I have had many experiences in the last 5-6 years that have significantly shaped me spiritually. Things that i learned as a priest still remain with me, especially my testimony. I have had to turn to the Lord to get me through my greatest trials and moments of weakness.
I think to my mission and the months that I spent with a broken foot and other foot problems. During these moments of excruciating pain I was put on a bike for a transfer (6 weeks). I physically could not pedal the bike with both legs, which caused a great inconsistency in muscle use. I did not have the most encouraging companion at the time. In fact, he openly tried to make my life miserable. I was brought down to one of the lowest points I've ever been in during my life. I cannot go into details in such a public setting, but I wish to point out that during the moments where I could go no further, I came to truly understand what the Love of my Savior can do for me. I cannot express how much my relationship with Him changed in those moments. I have developed an incredibly deep love for my Savior and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and indebtedness to Him.
This experience, and many others, has made the Savior the number one priority in my life. I am driven to do whatever I can to be worthy of these profound blessings that have been pronounced upon me.
My second priority is my family. Right now it is impossible to describe what all my family has done for me. No one else has been as loyal to me as my family. I know that I can always count on support through the trials. I anticipate that my future family will also fill a similar, though somewhat different role. I don't wish to elaborate on this topic much because I feel that most will understand what a family means to an individual. I also feel that good friends can fit into this category, however I understand that the relationship there is not usually as deep.
My third priority in life is to make other people happy. I find that I do this in two ways. The first is that I make people laugh. I find great joy in making other people laugh. In addition to this I am very happy when I am able to help my friends, and other people in general, to be able to overcome different challenges. I have gone through cycles in my life where at times I will have several people coming to me for advice, and then there are the times where no one is coming to me. I find that I feel a lot more complete when I am able to share my thoughts with those around me.
The fourth priority in my life is music. I constantly have music in my life. I started learning how to play the piano as a young child. This has been a huge benefit to me. Music is a great outlet to me now. It helps me to be able to put my thoughts together and sometimes to really understand what I am feeling. I now focus on other instruments. I find that the guitar allows me to express myself easier. The songs that have the most meaning to me are the ones that I can relate to. I've noticed that some songs can say the things that I cannot fully express with words alone. Music has become my passion for that reason. Ever pulled up beside me in the car? You will see the proof.
My list goes on, but I will end my list here because these are the ones that affect me the most. As I began to truly understand what I need in life, (sometimes you just need to remind yourself), I realized that my current career path could use a change. While I think I could have done a good job being a doctor, I would have had to abandon some of the things that make me who I am. I would not have had much time for my family and I would not be able to do anything music related. That is not something I am willing to do. And its mostly the family time factor.
So I have now been able to find something that will allow me to continue with the things that motivate me for the rest of my life. I am grateful for that.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Pessimism
“A pessimist is someone who feels bad when he feels good for fear he will feel worse when he feels better.”
I saw this quote as I was preparing to leave the institute today and it really grabbed my attention. I did not fully understand this quote when I first read it, but after a little bit of pondering I feel that I have somewhat of an idea what is being said in this statement.
So often we as humans ponder our future more then the present. We see that there is potential for our situation to either improve or to worsen, but rarely will there be true consistency in our lives. Because our lives can change almost instantaneously at times it is easy to be fearful of what the future holds. A focus on the future can prove detrimental at times. This is what the quote speaks of.
When a person is consistently fearful that the situation will worsen, this will become an expectation. When negative outcomes are expected, it is natural to see more of the negative in everything. This attitude allows people to think that even if something good happens its not really that good, because now the situation only has more opportunity to get worse. This is the equivalent to putting on blinders blocking out good things.
Imagine going through life with this kind of attitude. It would be miserable. Yet so often we adopt this mentality, using it as an excuse or rationalization for remaining in our current situation. Why do we do this? Because in one point of view it is easier to think that it just won't work out. If we think that things are never going to work out, we will never be disappointed. However this method of self protection can only harm us.
When we go through life with a positive attitude we focus on the fact that good can happen to us, we seek that. The more we focus on good things the easier it will be to see them. We will indeed be able to have an increased sense of peace, and be better suited to take on the tragedies of life.
Our life is what we truly expect it to be. If we expect things to turn out poorly, they will. At least in our eyes. The converse is true as well. In our human nature we have a combination of both attitudes because we have experienced different emotions with different situations. So most often we are not completely pessimistic or optimistic. Usually, we lie fairly close to the middle. But we can change that with applied effort.
In the past I have had “positive days.” On these days I attempt to block out all negative thoughts and only think about positive things. It has been impossible to completely reach this goal. But I noticed a significant difference in my demeanor. I was happier, not because my situation had changed, but my attitude and focus had. I could see good where I otherwise would have been disappointed. It was amazing to me.
The true challenge in life is to be able to see the positive in everything. Even the greatest are perfect in this. But the resounding words of our former prophet echo in my mind to “try a little harder” and “be a little better.” What would the world be like if everyone were just a little more optimistic?
I saw this quote as I was preparing to leave the institute today and it really grabbed my attention. I did not fully understand this quote when I first read it, but after a little bit of pondering I feel that I have somewhat of an idea what is being said in this statement.
So often we as humans ponder our future more then the present. We see that there is potential for our situation to either improve or to worsen, but rarely will there be true consistency in our lives. Because our lives can change almost instantaneously at times it is easy to be fearful of what the future holds. A focus on the future can prove detrimental at times. This is what the quote speaks of.
When a person is consistently fearful that the situation will worsen, this will become an expectation. When negative outcomes are expected, it is natural to see more of the negative in everything. This attitude allows people to think that even if something good happens its not really that good, because now the situation only has more opportunity to get worse. This is the equivalent to putting on blinders blocking out good things.
Imagine going through life with this kind of attitude. It would be miserable. Yet so often we adopt this mentality, using it as an excuse or rationalization for remaining in our current situation. Why do we do this? Because in one point of view it is easier to think that it just won't work out. If we think that things are never going to work out, we will never be disappointed. However this method of self protection can only harm us.
When we go through life with a positive attitude we focus on the fact that good can happen to us, we seek that. The more we focus on good things the easier it will be to see them. We will indeed be able to have an increased sense of peace, and be better suited to take on the tragedies of life.
Our life is what we truly expect it to be. If we expect things to turn out poorly, they will. At least in our eyes. The converse is true as well. In our human nature we have a combination of both attitudes because we have experienced different emotions with different situations. So most often we are not completely pessimistic or optimistic. Usually, we lie fairly close to the middle. But we can change that with applied effort.
In the past I have had “positive days.” On these days I attempt to block out all negative thoughts and only think about positive things. It has been impossible to completely reach this goal. But I noticed a significant difference in my demeanor. I was happier, not because my situation had changed, but my attitude and focus had. I could see good where I otherwise would have been disappointed. It was amazing to me.
The true challenge in life is to be able to see the positive in everything. Even the greatest are perfect in this. But the resounding words of our former prophet echo in my mind to “try a little harder” and “be a little better.” What would the world be like if everyone were just a little more optimistic?
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Missed Cues
Relationships with friends, co workers, acquaintances, colleagues, and especially with romantic interests can be complicated. We try so hard to please people that we find interesting and that we like. But so often we miss great opportunities to greatly improve the relationships that we have.
Why do we miss these opportunities? I believe that one reason we do it is because we become so focused on what we want to see happen that we don’t recognize the things that will improve the happiness of the other individual.
When interacting with our friends it is uncommon to seek to make the other person upset by intentionally avoiding the things that bring them the most joy. In my experience we genuinely seek for the betterment of our friends and loved ones. Why then do we not see the opportunities placed before us? The obvious answer is simply because we don’t see them. However I think that there is more to it in many cases.
In my efforts to try and improve relationships with friends, I have often glanced over the fact that people require different elements of emotional, physical, and mental recognition. I have been guilty of looking only at one aspect when I should have been more observant and understood that the answer was right in front of me. And I’m sure that I am not alone in this fault.
The question then arises, are we being bad friends, or even worse, being bad to our friends? It would be easy to say yes if you were the individual that was needing more and making attempts to improve the relationship. But I really don’t think that it makes us inherently bad people. In these situations I am honestly trying to do things to help my friend, I’m just looking in the wrong places.
Does this suggest that I don’t understand my friends well enough? In some cases I believe that the answer is yes. But even with my closest friends I am not perfect. I find myself all too often missing the cues. The signals that should be setting off red flags. When looking back at different situations it is obvious that I have missed the perfect opportunity to bless someones life.
It is impossible in my mind to notice every signal thrown at you, but I do think that improvements can be made. How can this be done? I don’t have a perfect answer. But the thought that is coming to my mind is to broaden our vision, to be able the step out of our natural thought processes. This requires a significant mental effort, but I think that the pay off can be so rewarding if we can only take a moment to understand the needs of those around us.
Every relationship can be improved, and this is how I am going to attempt to increase the bonds that I have with every one of my friends. But forgive me if I still miss lots of cues. My simple mind cannot understand it all.
Why do we miss these opportunities? I believe that one reason we do it is because we become so focused on what we want to see happen that we don’t recognize the things that will improve the happiness of the other individual.
When interacting with our friends it is uncommon to seek to make the other person upset by intentionally avoiding the things that bring them the most joy. In my experience we genuinely seek for the betterment of our friends and loved ones. Why then do we not see the opportunities placed before us? The obvious answer is simply because we don’t see them. However I think that there is more to it in many cases.
In my efforts to try and improve relationships with friends, I have often glanced over the fact that people require different elements of emotional, physical, and mental recognition. I have been guilty of looking only at one aspect when I should have been more observant and understood that the answer was right in front of me. And I’m sure that I am not alone in this fault.
The question then arises, are we being bad friends, or even worse, being bad to our friends? It would be easy to say yes if you were the individual that was needing more and making attempts to improve the relationship. But I really don’t think that it makes us inherently bad people. In these situations I am honestly trying to do things to help my friend, I’m just looking in the wrong places.
Does this suggest that I don’t understand my friends well enough? In some cases I believe that the answer is yes. But even with my closest friends I am not perfect. I find myself all too often missing the cues. The signals that should be setting off red flags. When looking back at different situations it is obvious that I have missed the perfect opportunity to bless someones life.
It is impossible in my mind to notice every signal thrown at you, but I do think that improvements can be made. How can this be done? I don’t have a perfect answer. But the thought that is coming to my mind is to broaden our vision, to be able the step out of our natural thought processes. This requires a significant mental effort, but I think that the pay off can be so rewarding if we can only take a moment to understand the needs of those around us.
Every relationship can be improved, and this is how I am going to attempt to increase the bonds that I have with every one of my friends. But forgive me if I still miss lots of cues. My simple mind cannot understand it all.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Happiness
President David O. McKay one said, “True happiness comes only by making others happy.” When I heard this quote I immediately began to question the validity of this statement.
What is happiness?
The answer is not simple. I actually believe that this is a question that can take a lifetime to understand. I only want to share what I have learned in the years of experience that I have had. There have been many points in my life where I have been able to say that I was truly happy, intermingled with moments of being unhappy. I believe that the answer to what happiness can be better understood by analyzing the commonalities among these situations.
In order to discover this I will try and discuss the times that I have been most happy. The most prominent moments that come to my mind are as follows: witnessing baptisms or temple sealings on my mission, watching seemingly important sporting events with favorable outcomes, spending time with friends, and when I’ve fulfilled difficult tasks whatever they may be.
A missionaries purpose is to invite people to come unto Christ with the ultimate goal of baptism and accepting of temple covenants. With this singular focus in all activities, it became apparent where the happiness would come from. This happiness is incremental with small amounts of joy coming from people actually taking time to listen to you. Greater amounts of happiness can be found in witnessing an individual accepting the gospel and entering into the covenant of baptism. The ultimate happiness as a missionary is experienced as someone taught receives his or her own endowment.
My fondest memory remains with the family that I taught in my first area who I was able to see get baptized. The husband was a less active member and had the privilege of baptizing his wife and daughter. After a year and half I was able to attend the sealing of the family. What an amazing experience this was and I still find joy and happiness in thinking about what took place that day.
What is it that brought that happiness in the moment the event took place, and what perpetuates that happiness now? As I read the journal entry I wrote on the day of the baptism I focus much on the moment the husband baptized his wife. After she came out of the water she tenderly embraced her husband, an act that caused a flood of emotions to overcome everyone. At the sealing I could see an overwhelming sense of happiness on the faces of everyone in the family. In both of these instances I was happy mostly because I could tell that they were happy.
I regularly keep in contact with this family and when I see the progress that they have made in the three and a half years I have known them, I am overcome with a sense of happiness because I know that they have been truly converted and have the same potential for eternal joy that I experience. So I think that the happiness has evolved into something deeper. I am now happy because of what the future holds and not the singular moment that occurred. This happiness is more lasting.
I also experience joy in sports. But what I feel in these circumstances is significantly different then what I feel when I reflect on baptisms. When I watch sports I get emotionally involved. But the joy does not just come in watching any sporting event, I require some attachment to one team or the other. I need to have a vested interest in the outcome of the game. I easily become apathetic when my team is losing, and I gain a certain amount of ecstasy when my team is winning. This is escalated when I am actually participating in the sporting event, with the pinnacle of my happiness coming with an important win in basketball. But this happiness is fleeting. With a lack of concern coming within a few days at most.
Spending time with friends is very important to me. I find it to be almost a need to be able to talk to someone that I consider to be a friend, even if they are only a superficial friend. This makes it very joyous to be able to have social interactions with friends. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do with my friends, as long as they are with me I seem to be happy. I have noticed that the most memorable times are ones where I can have friends laughing with me. Especially when I am the one sharing the joke.
The final type of activity that I would like to discuss would be accomplishing a difficult task that has been placed before me. We all have a sense of what is difficult and mentally put a barrier around what we think we can do. This is called our comfort zone. Often times we are required to step outside our comfort zone when given assignments in the work area and in school. It is normal to feel that these tasks are beyond our abilities and nearly impossible. But despite what we feel, we approach these overwhelming tasks. When I am able to successfully complete these assignments, (which I think usually occurs, due to the fact that we underestimate our potential), I develop and sense of happiness and pride in knowing that I actually have the ability that I doubted I actually possessed. This happiness generally lasts until I have another difficult assignment or I have forgotten how much I worked towards completion.
There are many differences in the happiness that is experienced in each one of these activities, but I am also able to see many common points or trends.
The first trend I noticed was the correlation between a level of involvement with other people and how much I was able to affect their level of happiness. So I would say that the greatest joy that I have experienced was bringing others into the gospel of Jesus Christ. Each of these experiences was very personal and the joy brought to these individuals is eternal in nature. Next in line I place accomplishing difficult tasks. With this the personal involvement with the one giving you the assignment varies, but is still somewhat deep because otherwise there would be no motivation to try otherwise. The happiness is the longest lasting of all the temporal happiness that we can experience. Third in line is spending time with friends. Spending time with friends has a high level of personal involvement with those around you, but the happiness is often fleeting. After the friends have left boredom can quickly settle in. Lastly, we consider the happiness brought through sports. This happiness has almost no connection to other peoples happiness, and does not have much staying power in most situations. This makes sports a very temporal form of happiness.
The things that bring me happiness are not the same things that will bring everyone happiness. But I argue that a similar trend will appear with everyone. We really do find the greatest happiness the more that we are able to help other people. The more selfless we are and the more can affect the happiness of others, the happier we will be.
Another thing that I noticed is that my happiness is based on my priorities. Each of the four items I discussed were things that I tend to have a high level of concern for. I desired for a particular outcome and when I was able to achieve that outcome the happiness came. I do not expect that I would gain any happiness in gardening. This is not a priority in my life on any level. This doesn’t make gardening a wrong thing to do. Our priorities often shift and so under the right circumstances I could learn to gain joy in gardening. Although I do not see that happening any time soon.
It is not difficult for me to find happiness when I am having a good conversation with a cute girl. I do not find it difficult to be happy when my sports team is winning. It is not hard for me to find joy when someone accepts the gospel of Jesus Christ. These are things that I care about, and I spend a large portion of my day thinking about these things.
Our level of happiness is not based solely on external forces. If this were the case a much smaller portion of the world would be happy. A huge factor in our happiness is whether or not happiness is our desired outcome. I wish to bring up another personal example that will illustrate my final point.
During the past month I have experience varying degrees of joy and misery. The interesting thing is that circumstances have changed only minimally. My priorities have been consistent. Yet a month I wasn’t happy and today I am extremely happy. What changed? My attitude changed. I chose to be happy and content with what I have been given. This was not a conscious effort either, but rather just a natural cycle that minds go through. However I believe that we can have a large degree of control over this mental cycle. If we choose to be happy more often we will be.
It becomes our task to use the agency God has given us in ways that will being about happiness in our lives. Take a look at the things that individually bring you happiness and do what you can to increase your level of happiness. This is possible for all of us. Let us each make a special effort to do the things that will increase our long term happiness, which most likely will take us outside of ourselves.
What is happiness?
The answer is not simple. I actually believe that this is a question that can take a lifetime to understand. I only want to share what I have learned in the years of experience that I have had. There have been many points in my life where I have been able to say that I was truly happy, intermingled with moments of being unhappy. I believe that the answer to what happiness can be better understood by analyzing the commonalities among these situations.
In order to discover this I will try and discuss the times that I have been most happy. The most prominent moments that come to my mind are as follows: witnessing baptisms or temple sealings on my mission, watching seemingly important sporting events with favorable outcomes, spending time with friends, and when I’ve fulfilled difficult tasks whatever they may be.
A missionaries purpose is to invite people to come unto Christ with the ultimate goal of baptism and accepting of temple covenants. With this singular focus in all activities, it became apparent where the happiness would come from. This happiness is incremental with small amounts of joy coming from people actually taking time to listen to you. Greater amounts of happiness can be found in witnessing an individual accepting the gospel and entering into the covenant of baptism. The ultimate happiness as a missionary is experienced as someone taught receives his or her own endowment.
My fondest memory remains with the family that I taught in my first area who I was able to see get baptized. The husband was a less active member and had the privilege of baptizing his wife and daughter. After a year and half I was able to attend the sealing of the family. What an amazing experience this was and I still find joy and happiness in thinking about what took place that day.
What is it that brought that happiness in the moment the event took place, and what perpetuates that happiness now? As I read the journal entry I wrote on the day of the baptism I focus much on the moment the husband baptized his wife. After she came out of the water she tenderly embraced her husband, an act that caused a flood of emotions to overcome everyone. At the sealing I could see an overwhelming sense of happiness on the faces of everyone in the family. In both of these instances I was happy mostly because I could tell that they were happy.
I regularly keep in contact with this family and when I see the progress that they have made in the three and a half years I have known them, I am overcome with a sense of happiness because I know that they have been truly converted and have the same potential for eternal joy that I experience. So I think that the happiness has evolved into something deeper. I am now happy because of what the future holds and not the singular moment that occurred. This happiness is more lasting.
I also experience joy in sports. But what I feel in these circumstances is significantly different then what I feel when I reflect on baptisms. When I watch sports I get emotionally involved. But the joy does not just come in watching any sporting event, I require some attachment to one team or the other. I need to have a vested interest in the outcome of the game. I easily become apathetic when my team is losing, and I gain a certain amount of ecstasy when my team is winning. This is escalated when I am actually participating in the sporting event, with the pinnacle of my happiness coming with an important win in basketball. But this happiness is fleeting. With a lack of concern coming within a few days at most.
Spending time with friends is very important to me. I find it to be almost a need to be able to talk to someone that I consider to be a friend, even if they are only a superficial friend. This makes it very joyous to be able to have social interactions with friends. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do with my friends, as long as they are with me I seem to be happy. I have noticed that the most memorable times are ones where I can have friends laughing with me. Especially when I am the one sharing the joke.
The final type of activity that I would like to discuss would be accomplishing a difficult task that has been placed before me. We all have a sense of what is difficult and mentally put a barrier around what we think we can do. This is called our comfort zone. Often times we are required to step outside our comfort zone when given assignments in the work area and in school. It is normal to feel that these tasks are beyond our abilities and nearly impossible. But despite what we feel, we approach these overwhelming tasks. When I am able to successfully complete these assignments, (which I think usually occurs, due to the fact that we underestimate our potential), I develop and sense of happiness and pride in knowing that I actually have the ability that I doubted I actually possessed. This happiness generally lasts until I have another difficult assignment or I have forgotten how much I worked towards completion.
There are many differences in the happiness that is experienced in each one of these activities, but I am also able to see many common points or trends.
The first trend I noticed was the correlation between a level of involvement with other people and how much I was able to affect their level of happiness. So I would say that the greatest joy that I have experienced was bringing others into the gospel of Jesus Christ. Each of these experiences was very personal and the joy brought to these individuals is eternal in nature. Next in line I place accomplishing difficult tasks. With this the personal involvement with the one giving you the assignment varies, but is still somewhat deep because otherwise there would be no motivation to try otherwise. The happiness is the longest lasting of all the temporal happiness that we can experience. Third in line is spending time with friends. Spending time with friends has a high level of personal involvement with those around you, but the happiness is often fleeting. After the friends have left boredom can quickly settle in. Lastly, we consider the happiness brought through sports. This happiness has almost no connection to other peoples happiness, and does not have much staying power in most situations. This makes sports a very temporal form of happiness.
The things that bring me happiness are not the same things that will bring everyone happiness. But I argue that a similar trend will appear with everyone. We really do find the greatest happiness the more that we are able to help other people. The more selfless we are and the more can affect the happiness of others, the happier we will be.
Another thing that I noticed is that my happiness is based on my priorities. Each of the four items I discussed were things that I tend to have a high level of concern for. I desired for a particular outcome and when I was able to achieve that outcome the happiness came. I do not expect that I would gain any happiness in gardening. This is not a priority in my life on any level. This doesn’t make gardening a wrong thing to do. Our priorities often shift and so under the right circumstances I could learn to gain joy in gardening. Although I do not see that happening any time soon.
It is not difficult for me to find happiness when I am having a good conversation with a cute girl. I do not find it difficult to be happy when my sports team is winning. It is not hard for me to find joy when someone accepts the gospel of Jesus Christ. These are things that I care about, and I spend a large portion of my day thinking about these things.
Our level of happiness is not based solely on external forces. If this were the case a much smaller portion of the world would be happy. A huge factor in our happiness is whether or not happiness is our desired outcome. I wish to bring up another personal example that will illustrate my final point.
During the past month I have experience varying degrees of joy and misery. The interesting thing is that circumstances have changed only minimally. My priorities have been consistent. Yet a month I wasn’t happy and today I am extremely happy. What changed? My attitude changed. I chose to be happy and content with what I have been given. This was not a conscious effort either, but rather just a natural cycle that minds go through. However I believe that we can have a large degree of control over this mental cycle. If we choose to be happy more often we will be.
It becomes our task to use the agency God has given us in ways that will being about happiness in our lives. Take a look at the things that individually bring you happiness and do what you can to increase your level of happiness. This is possible for all of us. Let us each make a special effort to do the things that will increase our long term happiness, which most likely will take us outside of ourselves.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Thankfulness Amidst Adversity
With Thanksgiving having just ended and the Christmas season upon us, I have had the opportunity to ponder recently on many aspects of life, and the reasons for gratitude. As many of you know, my life has not turned as I expected this last year. As a result it has been an interesting mental journey to figure out what exactly it is that I should be grateful for.
I would take you on the mental journey that I went on, but a good portion of it is far too personal for a medium like this. So I choose to leave out the first portion of my thought process. I however would like to share where I ended up on this journey, for I fear that is the important part anyway.
As a background to lead in to my thoughts let me say this. Life has not been easy. I have had to deal with problems, as all people do. During the last year certain events have transpired that have made it difficult at times to remain truly happy.
But amidst all this I still remain extremely grateful for what I have. Maybe the circumstances have actually caused me to be more grateful then I otherwise would have been. The more that I think about it, the more I begin to understand that unforeseen changes should be expected. What would life be without all these twists and turns? It would be predictable, it would be boring. Life would ultimately become stagnant and we wouldn’t see any progression. As I look back on this year I can see a considerable change in myself. A change that could only have occurred had I gone through this refiners fire.
I have learned a great deal about attitude and how that effects out happiness. It would be extremely easy for me to want to give up, to go around depressed. But I choose to not let the circumstances around me affect my happiness. That is beyond my control. As long as I know that I am remaining faithful in my covenants I have every right to be grateful for what God sees fit to bestow upon me at present. I truly have been given many opportunities and I expect to continue to learn and grow in the ways that God wants me to. Thus, while life has been challenging and has seemed to hand me more then my fair share of trials, I feel a sense of happiness. A joy that cannot be taken away from me. I am grateful for the wonderful support that I have had through this all. Those who have stood by me and helped me when I needed can truly be counted as friends.
I would take you on the mental journey that I went on, but a good portion of it is far too personal for a medium like this. So I choose to leave out the first portion of my thought process. I however would like to share where I ended up on this journey, for I fear that is the important part anyway.
As a background to lead in to my thoughts let me say this. Life has not been easy. I have had to deal with problems, as all people do. During the last year certain events have transpired that have made it difficult at times to remain truly happy.
But amidst all this I still remain extremely grateful for what I have. Maybe the circumstances have actually caused me to be more grateful then I otherwise would have been. The more that I think about it, the more I begin to understand that unforeseen changes should be expected. What would life be without all these twists and turns? It would be predictable, it would be boring. Life would ultimately become stagnant and we wouldn’t see any progression. As I look back on this year I can see a considerable change in myself. A change that could only have occurred had I gone through this refiners fire.
I have learned a great deal about attitude and how that effects out happiness. It would be extremely easy for me to want to give up, to go around depressed. But I choose to not let the circumstances around me affect my happiness. That is beyond my control. As long as I know that I am remaining faithful in my covenants I have every right to be grateful for what God sees fit to bestow upon me at present. I truly have been given many opportunities and I expect to continue to learn and grow in the ways that God wants me to. Thus, while life has been challenging and has seemed to hand me more then my fair share of trials, I feel a sense of happiness. A joy that cannot be taken away from me. I am grateful for the wonderful support that I have had through this all. Those who have stood by me and helped me when I needed can truly be counted as friends.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Fear
Overcoming fear is one of the hardest things to do in life. We all have fears. Whether large or small, they are present with each one of us. Each of us has our own unique set of fears. A set which makes us our own person.
What is the purpose of fears? We know that most fears are present to protect us in some form or another. God has given men basic instincts in order for men to survive. Without fear we humans would be more prone to do things contrary to our own safety. Essentially we would be prone to slowly destroy ourselves.
But we seem to develop fears outside of the basic survival instincts. These are the fears that are unique to us. Ones that don't seem to protect our physical well being, but rather something more personal, and maybe more meaningful. The fears that I mention here are ones that protect our ego, our character, our emotional well being. Lets call these ego fears.
Which of these is more important? The answer to this begins with a look at the surrounding of the individual we are considering. In early human history it would be easy to argue that the innate sense of survival was what perpetuated the human race, and was therefore the more important of the two fears. As time has progressed we notice a complete change in society where physical survival becomes less of an issue to the average individual. With this shift we can see a deeper level of interaction within the society. This causes a need for more of a protection of the inner self, ego fears.
How do we develop our individual ego fears? It is based on who we spend our time with. Our family in a large part can help us develop these fears. We learn what people to avoid and which people to spend our time with based in large part on things we learn growing up. However another large contributing factor is what society dictates. From society we learn to develop cliques and also that it is normal to avoid those who are different then us. The main source of acquiring ego fears differs for everyone, with family and society having different levels of prominence.
Unlike with basic instincts, ego fears can actually harm us and not allow us to be our best self. Many times we have tasks to accomplish that take several times longer because our fears don't allow us to push forward with ease. The natural man knows that staying the same is the easiest path to take. Anything that requires change becomes difficult because of the fear of failure, because this is a significant blow to our ego and pride.
But what about the need to step outside of the normal to put ourselves in a better position. Familiar examples of this can be seen in the work environment. So many times we could acquire a better position at a different job. But doing so would force us to end our current situation, which we know very well. More importantly we know that it works for us, at least to some degree. So we often stay with the mediocre instead of the great that is available.
Who do we see getting to the top? Those who have learned to control their fears in a wise way and have put there ego on the line. So how do we overcome our ego fears so we can gain the rewards? A simple way to do this is to force ourselves to take risks. While difficult the first time, and even every time down the road, it gets easier with repetition. Just like riding a bike, you don't master the technique till you have fallen and gotten scraped up a few times.
Taking risks in one aspect of our lives can make it easier for us to take risks in other aspects of our lives, whether related or unrelated. Allow me to share a personal example to fully illustrate this point. On a mission I learned how to talk to people. Over the course of two years repeated action allowed me to overcome my fear of talking to people I don't know. Entering into post mission life I noticed that it was easy to transfer this lack of fear into a different realm. Girls became my new focus and naturally I was terrified to talk them and ask them out on dates. But remembering the principles learned while constantly being rejected on the mission allowed me to have a confidence that taking these actions would again allow me to grow in a similar but different arena. Now a certain amount of that fear has left and has been replaced by new abilities. But I didn't get to this point without receiving rejection along the way.
I could go on and on about this, but I think I will end with one encouragement. Take more risks that will allow you to better yourself. Doing so will allow you to experience a greater sense of happiness then you currently enjoy.
What is the purpose of fears? We know that most fears are present to protect us in some form or another. God has given men basic instincts in order for men to survive. Without fear we humans would be more prone to do things contrary to our own safety. Essentially we would be prone to slowly destroy ourselves.
But we seem to develop fears outside of the basic survival instincts. These are the fears that are unique to us. Ones that don't seem to protect our physical well being, but rather something more personal, and maybe more meaningful. The fears that I mention here are ones that protect our ego, our character, our emotional well being. Lets call these ego fears.
Which of these is more important? The answer to this begins with a look at the surrounding of the individual we are considering. In early human history it would be easy to argue that the innate sense of survival was what perpetuated the human race, and was therefore the more important of the two fears. As time has progressed we notice a complete change in society where physical survival becomes less of an issue to the average individual. With this shift we can see a deeper level of interaction within the society. This causes a need for more of a protection of the inner self, ego fears.
How do we develop our individual ego fears? It is based on who we spend our time with. Our family in a large part can help us develop these fears. We learn what people to avoid and which people to spend our time with based in large part on things we learn growing up. However another large contributing factor is what society dictates. From society we learn to develop cliques and also that it is normal to avoid those who are different then us. The main source of acquiring ego fears differs for everyone, with family and society having different levels of prominence.
Unlike with basic instincts, ego fears can actually harm us and not allow us to be our best self. Many times we have tasks to accomplish that take several times longer because our fears don't allow us to push forward with ease. The natural man knows that staying the same is the easiest path to take. Anything that requires change becomes difficult because of the fear of failure, because this is a significant blow to our ego and pride.
But what about the need to step outside of the normal to put ourselves in a better position. Familiar examples of this can be seen in the work environment. So many times we could acquire a better position at a different job. But doing so would force us to end our current situation, which we know very well. More importantly we know that it works for us, at least to some degree. So we often stay with the mediocre instead of the great that is available.
Who do we see getting to the top? Those who have learned to control their fears in a wise way and have put there ego on the line. So how do we overcome our ego fears so we can gain the rewards? A simple way to do this is to force ourselves to take risks. While difficult the first time, and even every time down the road, it gets easier with repetition. Just like riding a bike, you don't master the technique till you have fallen and gotten scraped up a few times.
Taking risks in one aspect of our lives can make it easier for us to take risks in other aspects of our lives, whether related or unrelated. Allow me to share a personal example to fully illustrate this point. On a mission I learned how to talk to people. Over the course of two years repeated action allowed me to overcome my fear of talking to people I don't know. Entering into post mission life I noticed that it was easy to transfer this lack of fear into a different realm. Girls became my new focus and naturally I was terrified to talk them and ask them out on dates. But remembering the principles learned while constantly being rejected on the mission allowed me to have a confidence that taking these actions would again allow me to grow in a similar but different arena. Now a certain amount of that fear has left and has been replaced by new abilities. But I didn't get to this point without receiving rejection along the way.
I could go on and on about this, but I think I will end with one encouragement. Take more risks that will allow you to better yourself. Doing so will allow you to experience a greater sense of happiness then you currently enjoy.
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