"Why can't you just love me back"

I will start off by saying that this is not a topic that I have the answers for. I was asked to explore a question that I have asked several times myself, yet I have not been able to solidly answer it so far in my life. Yet I will try and write down the observations that I have made. The question is why we like people that don't like us back.

This is something that I'm sure all of us have experienced at some point in our dating lives. Guys have inevitably asked a girl out only to be rejected. Girls have waited for that guy to ask them out, only to find themselves continually waiting. That's a minor example of this phenomenon. And maybe doesn't really approach the heart of the matter because in these cases we only think there is potential that we will develop real interest in this person.

What about those times that we actually spend time and get to know the person that we are interested in? We get to see the qualities that we are looking for in them. At this point we may genuinely like this person. But then we are crushed because they don't share the same interest in us.

Human nature makes us attracted to many different individuals as we try and find a potential spouse. The attraction is felt on many different levels. When it reaches a certain level we throw on the term "like." The reasons for liking someone are vast and very much different for every situation we are in. The thing that connects each of these situations is that they have one or more qualities that we are seeking in a partner.

But not everyone is seeking the same qualities. And we certainly don't all possess the same qualities. Often we want someone who possesses the qualities that we don't have, but need in our life. It is hard to match these up. Thus making it so that we like someone who does not like us back.

One other thought is based on timing. When a relationship is going to be started it requires the right timing. People gain interest on different time tables. Only when the times happen to match up will a relationship actually happen.

Understanding this cycle doesn't make it any easier to be in this predicament. It also doesn't allow us to know how to prevent this from happening either. But maybe it allows us to gain some sense that its ok to be in this predicament.