Searching for the ideal moment, it never happens

I have a few moments in the past few days where I have had a desire to share personal feelings, but the words escaped me. Fear seemed to engulf me and I panicked. All I could do was change the subject, even though I had wanted some sort of opportunity similar to this to arise. The same situation occurred again a few days later, and I reacted the same way. I was about ready to kill myself.

How many times in life do we have dreams and desires, and we let the opportunities slip by when they present themselves? This certainly was the first time for me. Though I don't think they happen very frequently either.

What caused me to freeze? It was the unfamiliarity and lack of security. I normally have many words to share in conversations. I can keep up with almost anyone in regards to sports. I have a keen sense of humor that allows me to be funny, or at least try, most of the time. I usually have some piece of advice for friends who come to me with problems. However when it comes to sharing personal thoughts and feelings I often struggle to express myself.

Much of this has to do with reactions I have had to sharing these thoughts in the past. But I think that it mostly comes down to insecurity. When sharing the inner emotions we want to know that these thoughts will be respected. It sometimes feels as though in these situations we are placing our fine china in an arena of a thousand bulls. This simply is not true when confiding in those close to us.

Looking back at these two freeze ups I know that I am actually putting my fine China in a dishwasher, where there is a possibility to the machine malfunctioning and destroying it, but overall we can agree that it will a beneficial interaction.

There is a need for more people to recognize this and see it in their lives. More love would blossom, more friendships would grow, more happiness would abound because these risks aren't as risky as we think they are in the situation.

I was attempting to find the ideal situation where this risk was eliminated. Here I would feel perfectly secure in sharing these thoughts. However I have realized that this is an imaginary place. No one can completely remove risk. It is much better to take the opportunities placed before us. Create an ideally used situation.