I wasn't sure if i should post this or not. But I decided that perhaps others might enjoy looking at what motivates me. And perhaps by reading this you will ponder on your priorities in life. And trust me, it took a lot of introspection to come to a lot of the conclusions that led to this post.
Over this past year I have had a lot of things change for me. If you had asked me what I would be doing right now, when I moved back to Fort Collins, I never would have guessed correctly. Some of the changes have been for the better, and others have not been so positive.
One huge unexpected thing for me was having this year off from school. I won't go into details here, but CSU hasn't let me take classes for various reasons that really don't make sense to me. Although it is frustrating to have been delayed in my education, I consider the growth that has come to me from it.
I was on the fast track to becoming a doctor. Which really isn't that fast compared to anything other then just a regular graduation path for a doctor. I had chosen this because it just seemed to be a good idea. I knew that I could enjoy a few aspects of this career, but I will admit that I was mostly just looking at the financial aspects. With the semester off I decided that it would be a good idea to really think of what i want to do for a career. In order to do this I felt it required really thinking of what my priorities in life are, and making sure I could accomplish my priorities.
What is most important to me? What should be important to me? What is it that drives me in life? By answering these questions I felt that I could better pick a major/career.
The most prominent thing that drives me to do what I do is my Love of the Lord. If attending every Institute class this semester wasn't a good sign of this let me show this even more plainly. I have had many experiences in the last 5-6 years that have significantly shaped me spiritually. Things that i learned as a priest still remain with me, especially my testimony. I have had to turn to the Lord to get me through my greatest trials and moments of weakness.
I think to my mission and the months that I spent with a broken foot and other foot problems. During these moments of excruciating pain I was put on a bike for a transfer (6 weeks). I physically could not pedal the bike with both legs, which caused a great inconsistency in muscle use. I did not have the most encouraging companion at the time. In fact, he openly tried to make my life miserable. I was brought down to one of the lowest points I've ever been in during my life. I cannot go into details in such a public setting, but I wish to point out that during the moments where I could go no further, I came to truly understand what the Love of my Savior can do for me. I cannot express how much my relationship with Him changed in those moments. I have developed an incredibly deep love for my Savior and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and indebtedness to Him.
This experience, and many others, has made the Savior the number one priority in my life. I am driven to do whatever I can to be worthy of these profound blessings that have been pronounced upon me.
My second priority is my family. Right now it is impossible to describe what all my family has done for me. No one else has been as loyal to me as my family. I know that I can always count on support through the trials. I anticipate that my future family will also fill a similar, though somewhat different role. I don't wish to elaborate on this topic much because I feel that most will understand what a family means to an individual. I also feel that good friends can fit into this category, however I understand that the relationship there is not usually as deep.
My third priority in life is to make other people happy. I find that I do this in two ways. The first is that I make people laugh. I find great joy in making other people laugh. In addition to this I am very happy when I am able to help my friends, and other people in general, to be able to overcome different challenges. I have gone through cycles in my life where at times I will have several people coming to me for advice, and then there are the times where no one is coming to me. I find that I feel a lot more complete when I am able to share my thoughts with those around me.
The fourth priority in my life is music. I constantly have music in my life. I started learning how to play the piano as a young child. This has been a huge benefit to me. Music is a great outlet to me now. It helps me to be able to put my thoughts together and sometimes to really understand what I am feeling. I now focus on other instruments. I find that the guitar allows me to express myself easier. The songs that have the most meaning to me are the ones that I can relate to. I've noticed that some songs can say the things that I cannot fully express with words alone. Music has become my passion for that reason. Ever pulled up beside me in the car? You will see the proof.
My list goes on, but I will end my list here because these are the ones that affect me the most. As I began to truly understand what I need in life, (sometimes you just need to remind yourself), I realized that my current career path could use a change. While I think I could have done a good job being a doctor, I would have had to abandon some of the things that make me who I am. I would not have had much time for my family and I would not be able to do anything music related. That is not something I am willing to do. And its mostly the family time factor.
So I have now been able to find something that will allow me to continue with the things that motivate me for the rest of my life. I am grateful for that.
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