Happiness

President David O. McKay one said, “True happiness comes only by making others happy.” When I heard this quote I immediately began to question the validity of this statement.

What is happiness?

The answer is not simple. I actually believe that this is a question that can take a lifetime to understand. I only want to share what I have learned in the years of experience that I have had. There have been many points in my life where I have been able to say that I was truly happy, intermingled with moments of being unhappy. I believe that the answer to what happiness can be better understood by analyzing the commonalities among these situations.

In order to discover this I will try and discuss the times that I have been most happy. The most prominent moments that come to my mind are as follows: witnessing baptisms or temple sealings on my mission, watching seemingly important sporting events with favorable outcomes, spending time with friends, and when I’ve fulfilled difficult tasks whatever they may be.

A missionaries purpose is to invite people to come unto Christ with the ultimate goal of baptism and accepting of temple covenants. With this singular focus in all activities, it became apparent where the happiness would come from. This happiness is incremental with small amounts of joy coming from people actually taking time to listen to you. Greater amounts of happiness can be found in witnessing an individual accepting the gospel and entering into the covenant of baptism. The ultimate happiness as a missionary is experienced as someone taught receives his or her own endowment.

My fondest memory remains with the family that I taught in my first area who I was able to see get baptized. The husband was a less active member and had the privilege of baptizing his wife and daughter. After a year and half I was able to attend the sealing of the family. What an amazing experience this was and I still find joy and happiness in thinking about what took place that day.

What is it that brought that happiness in the moment the event took place, and what perpetuates that happiness now? As I read the journal entry I wrote on the day of the baptism I focus much on the moment the husband baptized his wife. After she came out of the water she tenderly embraced her husband, an act that caused a flood of emotions to overcome everyone. At the sealing I could see an overwhelming sense of happiness on the faces of everyone in the family. In both of these instances I was happy mostly because I could tell that they were happy.

I regularly keep in contact with this family and when I see the progress that they have made in the three and a half years I have known them, I am overcome with a sense of happiness because I know that they have been truly converted and have the same potential for eternal joy that I experience. So I think that the happiness has evolved into something deeper. I am now happy because of what the future holds and not the singular moment that occurred. This happiness is more lasting.

I also experience joy in sports. But what I feel in these circumstances is significantly different then what I feel when I reflect on baptisms. When I watch sports I get emotionally involved. But the joy does not just come in watching any sporting event, I require some attachment to one team or the other. I need to have a vested interest in the outcome of the game. I easily become apathetic when my team is losing, and I gain a certain amount of ecstasy when my team is winning. This is escalated when I am actually participating in the sporting event, with the pinnacle of my happiness coming with an important win in basketball. But this happiness is fleeting. With a lack of concern coming within a few days at most.

Spending time with friends is very important to me. I find it to be almost a need to be able to talk to someone that I consider to be a friend, even if they are only a superficial friend. This makes it very joyous to be able to have social interactions with friends. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do with my friends, as long as they are with me I seem to be happy. I have noticed that the most memorable times are ones where I can have friends laughing with me. Especially when I am the one sharing the joke.

The final type of activity that I would like to discuss would be accomplishing a difficult task that has been placed before me. We all have a sense of what is difficult and mentally put a barrier around what we think we can do. This is called our comfort zone. Often times we are required to step outside our comfort zone when given assignments in the work area and in school. It is normal to feel that these tasks are beyond our abilities and nearly impossible. But despite what we feel, we approach these overwhelming tasks. When I am able to successfully complete these assignments, (which I think usually occurs, due to the fact that we underestimate our potential), I develop and sense of happiness and pride in knowing that I actually have the ability that I doubted I actually possessed. This happiness generally lasts until I have another difficult assignment or I have forgotten how much I worked towards completion.

There are many differences in the happiness that is experienced in each one of these activities, but I am also able to see many common points or trends.

The first trend I noticed was the correlation between a level of involvement with other people and how much I was able to affect their level of happiness. So I would say that the greatest joy that I have experienced was bringing others into the gospel of Jesus Christ. Each of these experiences was very personal and the joy brought to these individuals is eternal in nature. Next in line I place accomplishing difficult tasks. With this the personal involvement with the one giving you the assignment varies, but is still somewhat deep because otherwise there would be no motivation to try otherwise. The happiness is the longest lasting of all the temporal happiness that we can experience. Third in line is spending time with friends. Spending time with friends has a high level of personal involvement with those around you, but the happiness is often fleeting. After the friends have left boredom can quickly settle in. Lastly, we consider the happiness brought through sports. This happiness has almost no connection to other peoples happiness, and does not have much staying power in most situations. This makes sports a very temporal form of happiness.

The things that bring me happiness are not the same things that will bring everyone happiness. But I argue that a similar trend will appear with everyone. We really do find the greatest happiness the more that we are able to help other people. The more selfless we are and the more can affect the happiness of others, the happier we will be.

Another thing that I noticed is that my happiness is based on my priorities. Each of the four items I discussed were things that I tend to have a high level of concern for. I desired for a particular outcome and when I was able to achieve that outcome the happiness came. I do not expect that I would gain any happiness in gardening. This is not a priority in my life on any level. This doesn’t make gardening a wrong thing to do. Our priorities often shift and so under the right circumstances I could learn to gain joy in gardening. Although I do not see that happening any time soon.

It is not difficult for me to find happiness when I am having a good conversation with a cute girl. I do not find it difficult to be happy when my sports team is winning. It is not hard for me to find joy when someone accepts the gospel of Jesus Christ. These are things that I care about, and I spend a large portion of my day thinking about these things.

Our level of happiness is not based solely on external forces. If this were the case a much smaller portion of the world would be happy. A huge factor in our happiness is whether or not happiness is our desired outcome. I wish to bring up another personal example that will illustrate my final point.

During the past month I have experience varying degrees of joy and misery. The interesting thing is that circumstances have changed only minimally. My priorities have been consistent. Yet a month I wasn’t happy and today I am extremely happy. What changed? My attitude changed. I chose to be happy and content with what I have been given. This was not a conscious effort either, but rather just a natural cycle that minds go through. However I believe that we can have a large degree of control over this mental cycle. If we choose to be happy more often we will be.

It becomes our task to use the agency God has given us in ways that will being about happiness in our lives. Take a look at the things that individually bring you happiness and do what you can to increase your level of happiness. This is possible for all of us. Let us each make a special effort to do the things that will increase our long term happiness, which most likely will take us outside of ourselves.